Thursday, April 5, 2012

Letting Go to Bring Back In


 I haven't updated in a few weeks. Although this was mainly due to my personal laziness, it's also because I didn't do a lot of thinking before acting...I know, that's almost always a mistake.

Over the past 2 weeks, I have been getting very sexual with Jason.To the point where we were both completely nude in bed, playing with each other and even spending the night together.Even though I knew it was wrong (because I was still dating David), it felt so right. I was beginning to notice he was a completely different person than when we first started dating.

But something had changed...

Trevor, a guy from our school's GSA, had begun flirting with Jason. I was becoming extremely jealous, and Jason knew it. He assured me that he didn't like Trevor and would never date him, and I accepted it and told him I had no right to be jealous even if he did. Whether I had the right to or not didn't matter. It felt horrible knowing this guy was hitting on him when I still had feelings for him. I couldn't let him take Jason from me.

So I did the unthinkable...

Monday, I was having a regular text conversation with David and we were discussing his prom (which he invited me to several weeks before). I had previously accepted, but since my feelings for Jason were currently so strong, I wouldn't have felt right at prom with him, especially since I had been technically "cheating" on him.

I told him that I wasn't sure it would be best for us to go to prom together. At first I tried to brush it off as my way of saying "it wouldn't be fair to you since I'll be gone over the summer", but I went for it and told him everything. And by that I mean EVERYTHING (except the "cheating"). I told him about how I never got over Jason and how I don't think I ever will. I tried my best to not make it seem like his fault and he told me he understood but his voice over the phone sounded very depressed.

It wasn't until today that I heard from him again, thus ending my anxiety. I called the leader of the youth group that we are both a part of and told her the situation. It was really comforting to hear that I did the right thing, whether I believe so or not.

So here I am. The good news is Jason has become very emotionally involved with me now that he knows he has me wholeheartedly. This is the kind of relationship we should have had in the beginning. I told him I didn't want to make it "Facebook Official" for a while because I didn't want to come across as one of those people who has a new boyfriend every week. While he was ready to make it 100% official, I told him he could make it official between us again. So less than an hour ago, the words I had been wanting to hear all this time came smoothly from his lips as we lay together, embracing each other with intertwined legs,

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

Yes.

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