Monday, March 19, 2012

Incredibly Close Call

As some of you noticed, this past weekend I took the site down for a couple of days. This is due to an URGENT situation. I had opened a new browser tab and it showed "top sites" while in Jason's room. This site was on the list and he asked what "TristanTalks" was. I immediately clicked out of it and said "I don't know, nothing". Lame response, I know. But I was very embarrassed and nervous. I'm still not sure if he's forgotten about it and he might just be waiting before he checks it out. He knows I keep a journal (but not online) so it's not entirely a secret. But still...

"Jason", if you ever stumble across this blog, please don't judge me before you talk to me in person about it. Don't think that I do this to expose you or anyone at all. I do it to tell my story to hundreds of other regular readers who struggle with similar situations. Some things aren't exactly as they happened, mainly for the purpose of keeping both you and I anonymous online.

If you don't see this, thank you. I am very lucky that you didn't discover my only secret from you.


I'm in a very emotionally confused state today. Jason seemed very upset last night after I got back from my date with David. And I think it's my fault...

I really need to get things figured out in my own head before I go messing with someone else. Last night I saw that he was upset so I began rubbing his back and neck, then eventually stroking his cheek. I like comforting him. But I probably took it farther than a friendship level.

I had been doing stuff like this before, but this time it hit me hard because just a few hours before I was in my bed with David having the same thing done to me (and much more of course). Maybe the whole top/bottom thing is hindering me from being able to decide.

I REALLY like when David does stuff to me. Last night he started tickling me and ended up on top of me and began intensely making out with me. Even though I consider myself a leader, I like being played with and in a way "dominated". No, I'm not talking about anal sex. Never done that before so I wouldn't know.

BUT, I also really like being the caring type of person towards Jason. I like rubbing his back and just caressing him and holding him close to me.

Jason has great looks, a great personality, but has me confused with his emotions towards me.
David has okay looks, a bit of an annoying personality, but really expresses that he loves me.

Which is the better choice?


1 comment:

  1. definitely jason. it sounds like you really want him but you just don't want to hurt david's feelings. I think you should just go with your heart. And I think it would probably pick jason.