Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Soap Opera

I know I don't usually blog this often, but something extremely dramatic has come up. My life currently feels like a badly written soap opera but there's nothing I can do.

So after having dinner with David last night and kissing him goodnight (the best kiss so far), Jason texts me saying he feels like crying. I asked him what was wrong but he only told me that he doesn't think he's ready to tell me yet. As YOU ALL know, something like that makes me worry more than anything. After a bit of haggling, he sends me a message saying this.

"I made a huge mistake... we should have never broke up. I know you have David now but you have to realize that I love you and always will."

My only reasonable reaction was "WHAT THE HELL"

(Refer to this entry to read about the breakup)

He told me that he felt protected and loved while laying with me and now he just wants to return the favor. He had felt depressed for the first time in his life. He said he wasn't asking for a decision right away.

That's when I told him that I had already made my decision.

"I'm sticking with David for now. It would be a jackass move on my part to breakup with him after spending so long convincing him I was over you."

He said it wasn't what he wanted to hear. So I left him with this message for the night.

"Jason, I don't want to keep you up all night talking about this. I have a lot of questions but those can be asked at another time. I gave you time to change your decision but after a month I figured it was safe to move on. I'm not going to say I completely got over you, but I was able to give someone else a chance. And I like David, I really do. No, we don't have as strong of a connection as I felt with you, but he shows me that he likes me, something I worried about throughout our entire relationship. I feel if you really loved me them you wouldn't have just let me go like that with the reason you gave me. You would have worked with me to fix it like I wanted to do but you told me it couldn't be done. So no, I'm not going to drop David to be with you again. What would that say about me as a person? I care too much about people to ever hurt them at the level you hurt me. I'm not saying the chances of anything happening between you and I is over. But I plan to follow through with dating David unless something happens and we break up".

I texted him this morning apologizing for being so harsh. We talked more about it but he persisted with the fact that he was completely in love with me. I know you guys don't really know him like I do, but this is completely uncharacteristic of him. First of all, neither of us use the word "love" lightly. The only guy I've ever loved was Mikey. Not that I won't eventually love someone else, but he's the only one that's made it to that level with me. For him to say he loved me was a huge blow.

So I honestly don't know how to react. He broke my heart because he said he never liked me more than a friend, but now he's just saying he was confused and didn't know what to call it.

Is this an act of jealousy? He knows about David and knows that I like him a lot. Is he just trying to destroy that? Do I want to go back to him?

I am much happier with my relationship with David than I ever was with him.

So I plan to stick to my decision. I'm not going to break up with David to get back with Jason. That isn't fair, to either of them.

So as you can see, my life is like the climax of a bad Lifetime soap opera and I don't know where it's turning. I need some plot twists, leave me a comment!


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