Tuesday, January 10, 2012
One of the hardest things to do (that I have yet to do) is come out to your parents as gay/lesbian/bi/trans and etc.
For myself, I almost do not feel the need to tell my parents. Not that I'm embarrassed or ashamed, but I feel that some aspects of my personal life do not need to be shared with them. Sure, I am their child, but I'm living my life that doesn't involve them much anymore. However, if I were to be in a serious relationship with a guy and was considering marriage, I would probably discuss that with my mother.
I am much closer to my mother than my father, although I'm not close to either of them on most aspects. I hold my friends to higher standards than my parents. They aren't role models to me and they will never be. Especially with my father. He has abused me (both psychologically and physically) since I was a young child. That's not something I admit to many people, but am starting to be more open about it now that I am able to fight back.
He is an alcoholic. If there is a step above that, it's him. The only thing he ever drinks is beer, no matter where he's at or what he's doing. He drinks and drives, he drinks in bed, and he drinks at the dinner table. It's almost as if I've never seen him sober. On some days where he drinks more than usual he becomes very angry and violent.
When I was younger I would only yell and cry to try and make him stop, but that only made it worse. I can recall one situation when I was in the 5th grade (I guess I was around 11) where he held me against a wall by the throat threatening to kill me. The next day I brought it up to my teacher in an almost joking matter since it was all over me doing my homework on the computer. She was very concerned, and told me that she had to report it to the office. This was still when I attended a private school so I didn't hear much about it (neither did my parents) until the situation later in the school year where I was psychologically abused by my principal (I'll save that for another entry if I have not already written about it).
I hate being compared to my father, especially being told that I am "just like him". That is so far from the truth. I feel like we are opposites. I am rarely an angry person, and if I am I don't show it. I care about everyone else's feelings above my own, and I am very open minded about everything. Sure, I like to argue and have strong opinions, but I feel like that is a trait that I admire in people.
What are/were your parents like?
On a sidenote:
I am very hurt knowing that so many of you are displeased about my decision to change the style of this blog. I really didn't want to create a reason for you to stop reading. Like I said, I want to protect myself and the people mentioned, especially Jason. As of now, I have a heightened level of alert about the chances of being exposed. Maybe one day I will start going back to the old style. Please give me a chance to try out the new format before completing shutting me out.
PS: I had a dream about Mikey last night. We were laying in his bed holding hands. It was wonderful :)
Posted by Tristan Skyler at 2:07 PM