Monday, December 26, 2011

New Directions


You may have noticed that the last few entries have been edited.

I have decided that I am going to take a new direction with the blog. I had a long chat with one of my readers and old friends last night and he made me realize that there was no point in recording my relationship moment by moment. If Jason were ever to find the blog, however impossible that may seem, it wouldn't just put an instant end to our relationship, it would also hurt him deeper than that. Since he hasn't trusted his sexuality with very many people, if I break that trust then he may not have anyone at all. I do not want to risk that. While the reader that I chatted with did assure me that he would not inform Jason of the blog, it did worry me a bit with how much power he did have over me. But don't think I am making this change only because of my discussion with him. Because I can honestly see where he is coming from and could not bear the chance of Jason finding out about anything a write here. I fear he may think I was trying to exploit him and our relationship, but as you know that is not my goal at all.

I created this blog as a way to express my thoughts and feelings involving my sexuality. At the time, I had nothing more than a few crushes with no motive to make any advancements towards them. It started with Blake, then Duncan, then eventually Mikey. That's where I fear the blog took a wrong direction. I began focussing on every single thing we did together and pretty much made a fairly-accurate record of our lives together for months. While I do see value in doing this, I should have done that on a personal level and not publically in this blog. I did the same with Jason, but as it became obvious a relationship was developing was when I realized the harm that could be caused by this.

So... from now on I will take a Topic Based Approach to TristanTalks. This meaning, I will go back to writing about specific topics instead of a record of my daily life and experiences.

Here are a few examples of entries with this approach:

I don't mean to disappoint anyone who reads this blog for what it was: a daily record of my life. I will still keep you updated things, but in a more ambiguous way mixed into my future entries. In a way that will not hurt anyone, even if my blog was discovered by him.

However, I do need some topics from you guys to discuss. It can be anything related to me and my sexuality. It can also be about being a boy-lover. Or if you would rather find out my opinion on specific topics, please suggest those as well.

You can contact me either by an anonymous comment or by email at Tristan@TristanTalks.com.

One last thing: I want to hear your opinion on this change. Let me know if you like/dislike it and why.

To a New Direction,
Tristan

Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Winter Begins



I realize that it has been a couple of weeks since I last updated. But I feel that a daily update on Jason and myself would get a little boring for you, since a lot of the time we do the same thing. I am now on Winter break and won't be going back to school until January 8th. I've been without Jason for 8 days and it is tearing me apart.

Lately I have felt that Jason has become uninterested in me except for when we are sexual. I feel like I'm doing all this work and he doesn't even seem to appreciate it. But maybe he does. What has got my doubting our relationship the most is the fact that he hasn't texted me at all over the break except to respond to my texts. I have made it a plan to text him every other day, but decided I would wait for him to text me first this time. Tomorrow will be the third day. I'll text him tomorrow night to ask if he still wants to be roommates. What comes next will be based on his response.

We will see...

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Blowing in the Wind


Ok, so I know I haven't updated in a long time but this is partly due to the fact that I had Thanksgiving Break last weekend so not much happened other than shopping with Mikey which was really fun. I will just give a quick overview of what happened tonight.

I will skip the details, but basicaly after a three day build up with Jason, I experienced my first blowjob session. Giving him one was the easy part. I actually think I did a really good job at it. No, I didn't swallow. Mainly because I was scared I would gag and embarass myself, but he didn't seem to mind.

We went back to cuddling and after a while I told him I was ready whenever he was. I told him that this was the part I was most nervous about. He undid my pants for me and pulled them and my boxers down. Luckily I was able to be hard throughout the nervousness. He began sucking almost immediately. The first thing I felt was the warmth, and the feeling of his lips that I had felt during our kisses. I was telling myself to not cum too early because I wanted to give it time. After about 3 minutes, I was getting worried. I wasn't nearing an orgasm at all, and my penis was beginning to feel numb from all the motion. I told him maybe he should just try jacking me off for a while, which he did. But still I just wasn't feeling turned on. I can only compare it to the feeling of trying to masturbate once you have just cummed from masturbating. It's like I had no sexual drive at all. Which is crazy because I did when I was blowing him. After about 6 minutes I told him I'd try myself and then let him take over when I got close. So I began to masturbate while he watched. It still felt numb. I got to a point where I felt that with a few more strokes I would cum so I let him take over. But I lost that feeling once it got back in his mouth. After 10 minutes I just told him to forget it.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've never had a problem with orgasming before. In my bedroom I can cum after like 2 minutes if I was in a rush. Maybe I was just too nervous, or maybe he just wasn't going fast enough. I didn't want to make him go too fast though. I'm not even sure if that would have helped. I even tried to think of Mikey while he was doing it but that didn't last long because I felt bad about it. I was so embarrassed after. He told me it was fine and he faked his first orgasm while with his ex. But I still don't know if that was true or he was just trying to make me feel better. But no matter how okay he was with it, I still felt like I let myself down.

Is this normal? Do guys normally have trouble cumming their first time? Would it have been better if we started with handjobs and not blowjobs? Tell me your stories and let me know if I'm alone or not in this.

-Tristan