Friday, November 25, 2011

Everytime We Touch

Yes, I was listening to this song while writing this entry. This is a continuation of my last entry, but about being touched.

Saturday, November 19, 2011
This has been a week ago so bear with me for not remembering all the details. Jason's roommate was still doing his initiation for his fraternity so we had the room together again. The only thing I can remember is laying in his bed and he was shirtless. I was stroking his chest like normal, when he suddenly says...

"You can go lower if you want."

If you remember, a few days before I offered to go lower with my rubbing while we were laying on the floor but he told me he had to tidy up down there and was too stuborn. Well, it seems things have changed. Maybe it was the fact that we didn't make it official until Friday night with the first kiss. Which makes sense, I just wasn't brave enough to mention kissing at that time.

"How much lower?"

With this question, he grabbed my hand and dragged it from his bellybutton down to his "lower region" (he was wearing shorts). From there I began rubbing, trying not to stick only to the "new" area so he wouldn't think that's all I cared about.

"Do you want me to rub you too?"

I hesitated. I  couldn't form words to answer him. He quickly retaliated with "Sorry, you don't have to let me". But I told him no, I wanted him to. He told me that he had a dream about this once.

After about 30 minutes of all-over rubbing, we decided to call it a night. He asked if I wanted a goodnight kiss. DUH! So we just went for it, no elongated conversation before hand. He did tell me I needed to lift my head up some so he could reach me, which I did. This time he did exactly the same thing as last time, but I used my tongue some as well. It was about 10 seconds longer than the one before hand, but at the end we both had to wipe our faces and he said it was a little sloppy but it was okay. Crap, I felt like I screwed up. I told him next time I would let him do the work again until I got better at it.


Not much exciting things between us has happened since then. Tuesday I got angry with him for the first time. We were walking to our pier when his sister called, who he would be seeing the next day in person. I didn't mind, but 20 minutes later when we arrived at the pier he was still talking. He stayed at the area before it and told me he would finish quickly. I walked down the pier alone while I waited for an additional 30 minutes while he talked to his sister about random things like spongebob and making random noises. I felt really ignored. Mind the fact that Monday night he was tired and went to bed early, so I didn't even get any alone time with him. I sat down and began texting out my frustrations with my friend. He finally came up behind me and told me he was done and apologized. I just nodded and we walked to our usual spot.

At first I had a goal of making him realize I was upset with him by not saying anything, but I decided to give it up because I didn't want to ruin our last night together before thanksgiving break. But about 5 minutes later he put his arm around me and said "You seem sad". I told him I wasn't, but took the opportunity to rest my head on his shoulder and he rested his lightly on mine.

From there we went into our usual laying position. I rubbed his chest, arms, back, head, and face. But I avoided the "lower" regions because I was more interested in making this a romantic moment and not a sexual one. He was cold so I wrapped my legs over him entirely and he burried his head into my neck. He rubbed my leg and thigh while it was around him. Later I rested my head on top of his but took it off because I didn't feel like it was comfortable to him (even though he said it was).

Afterwards, he asked if I wanted to kiss out there or in the elevator. I told him out there because I didn't want it to be cut short. This time I let him lead. He went deeper into my mouth with his tongue, but not too deep to where it was anywhere near my throat. This was our best kiss so far. I used my tongue a little and reached a point of excitement that it never caused before. Are mouth orgasms possible? Anyways, this one was about 30 seconds long, which was the longest by far. He told me that he was sorry if it was a little long, it was hard to judge with kisses. I told him I didn't mind it being long. He also told me that he was beginning to become addicted to these kisses, and it had been so long since he had kissed anyone. I told him he was starting a new addiction for me, but it's okay because it's probably not one of the worst things college kids could get addicted to. Afterwards we hugged and sat up together. Then we made our way back to our dorms.

So what started out as a bad night quickly became one of our best together. I was sad that we wouldn't see each other again until next Monday, but I figured I would survive and maybe the distance will make us want to be closer next time we are together.

That's it for now. If I remember I will do an entry about Black Friday shopping with Mikey last night and today.


Monday, November 21, 2011

My First Kiss...

Wow, if only I had known what would happen in these past 4 days I would have never written that last entry. I will begin with Thursday so you have a proper lead-in.

Thursday, November 17, 2011
After the GSA meeting, I went to Jason's room. He jumped into his bed and just laid there, pretending to be asleep. I told him that it wasn't fair that he got to sleep while I stood there, so I jumped into the bed with him. We laid like we did at the pier, with my arm around him. I began to lightly stroke his chest, which he liked and told me to continue doing. I rubbed his chest, back, and arms for almost an hour. Occasionally he would rub me as well but I told him I preferred doing it to him. I'm not sure what took over me, but I suddenly got the courage to ask a question that I would have never asked before. As I was rubbing him stomach, I said under my breath:

"I could go lower if you want."

He paused for a minute. I looked up at his face and could see he was nervously smiling and moving his mouth but nothing was coming out. After a while he managed to say that he wasn't ready for that tonight and he wanted to "clean up" down there before we did that. I told him I was totally okay with that and I felt bad for saying anything. He told me not to, ans he felt bad for being stubborn. We went back to chest rubbing for another 20 minutes or so. We wrapped this up early because he had a big test the next day.

Friday, November 18, 2011
After dinner we came back to his room and he spent some time watching videos and playing video games, until moving to his bed. We didn't really have a reason to be in bed, but we went for it anyways. He took his shirt off again and I began rubbing, but his legs as well this time. I would skip down from his belly button to where his shorts ended. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. This night we held each other very close. Closer than ever before. He even turned facing me, while we slowly stroked each others chests. I was wearing a shirt again, mainly to make him feel more secure in case his roommate walked in. There were several occasions where we thought we heard his roommate coming so I jumped down and sat in his chair at his laptop. But he never came in. It got later and later, until about 3am when something amazing happened...

We were laying together, facing each other, with his face buried beneath mine in the pillow.

Me: I feel like I'm smothering you.
Jason: No, I like it.
(1 minute pause)
Me: It would be really easy to kiss you now.
Jason (giggles) Yeah, it would.

I can't believe I said that. I began to panic and tell him about how I was scared I would do something stupid or have bad breath or mess it up. He told me that it would be fine and he would do all the work. He told me the only rule I had to follow was to close my eyes. I jokingly replied that "Bruno Mars taught me that", in reference to the lyrics "Should have known you were trouble since the first kiss, had your eyes wide open, why were they open?". A song was playing that had a title with the name of one of my best friends in it so I told him I wanted to change it so I can think of just him when I hear a song. I let him chose the song, which was "Crazy for You" by Adele. After I stood up, I began shaking like crazy. I also started talking really quickly about how I wasn't nervous and I didn't know why I was shaking. That was a lie. He told me it was okay and he was the same way his first kiss. I got back in bed with him. The time had come. He told me to close my eyes, so I did.

3:18am - The moment his lips touched mine I couldn't think of anything else. I have never been so caught up in a moment. I was surprised by how much tongue he used for a first kiss. To be honest... it felt weird. I mean, being kissed felt good, but the overall experience wasn't as great as I imagined it. He moved his tongue in and out of my mouth very quickly. The kiss lasted about 15 seconds, much longer than I expected as well. As soon as we were done he got very excited and kissed me on the cheek and gave me a huge hug. It was about 3:30 by the time I left to go back to my room.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Actually... I think I'll save this for next entry. It's equally as interesting as my first kiss, I don't want to overshadow anything.

I will try to have that up tomorrow or Wednesday.

(In) Love,

Monday, November 14, 2011

Time of My Life?

These past few weeks with Jason have been some of the most memorable moments of my life. Cuddling on the pier has become a common thing, happening 3-4 times a week. This weekend we watched a movie in my bed (Twin size), during which I put my arm around him. When alone, we hold hands. Last night at the pier after cuddling, we sat up and I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder.

But I can't help but have these thoughts about him that are not so appealing. At random times, things pop into my head that I don't like about him. Even if they are minor things like how he doesn't like to initiate anything, they still get to me. I've heard before that loving someone was being able to look past those things, which I have, but that doesn't mean they aren't there. I truly could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. Is it wrong to be able to see the flaws in people? Am I being judgmental? I mean, it's not like it changes how I feel about him.

The weirdest thing is, these kind of picky judgements didn't happen with the past guys I have liked. Mikey, Duncan, and a few others were always perfect in my eyes. Is this different because we are actually sort of in a relationship? Or is it because it is very physical that I look for perfection?

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say. I just felt the need to write it out. It makes me feel like a bad person, I'm never judgmental towards most anyone. One theory is that it is a natural defense mechanism in case things do not work out, so I will be able to say "well I didn't like this about him anyways".

I also get very nervous when he is around other guys, especially when he talks about how attractive they are. This didn't bother me before, because I did it too. But now that we are so much close, I feel kind of hurt when he does mention it. It just makes me feel like I'm easily replaceable. I know I'm not necessarily what he considers attractive, but I feel like a relationship requires more than that.

I don't know. I really want to keep him and develop this thing further. This really has been the time of my life, having someone to hold and be perfectly open with (although he has started the usual teasing about me liking younger guys, but it doesn't really bother me as much with him).

Should I just suppress these feelings? I mean, they are not very strong at all, but I'm starting to lose the excitement that I used to have when we were together. I guess that happens when you are actually in a relationship. Maybe this is all normal, or is it? Ughh, darn me and my lack of experience in anything.


Sunday, November 6, 2011

Two Spirited

I had originally planned to call this entry "Double Life" and to talk about how I felt bad about writing publically about the people I care about, but my feelings have changed so I decided to use the same picture but to discuss a different topic.

I feel that the more and more time Jason and I spend time together, the more we become like the same person. I've thought from the beginning that we were a lot alike, but now I see that so much more clearly.

Not only do we finish each others sentences and begin talking about what the other is thinking about, but we also see things the same way. Last night we were walking and there was a leaf on the ground thought caught both of our eyes. I started laughing, because to me it looked like a taco. At the same time he said "I thought it was a taco". It was really funny, but also startling knowing that we thought of the same thing.


I planned to make this entry longer but since it has taken me a few days to progress any, I thought I'd go ahead and share with you what happened tonight. Probably the most amazing thing that has happened to me ever.

We were lying at the pier like normal after eating, but we were both complaining about how cold it was. He jokingly asked why couldn't I be a heater to warm him. I joked back but didn't pay it any attention. About 15 minutes later he said "I'm going to steal your warmth" and he scooted a little closer to me. So I suggested we lay with our arms touching so we can transfer the warmth between us. Well sooner or later he mentioned that his legs were shivering, so I took the initiative and said "well maybe we can do the same thing with our legs". But instead of him laying his leg beside mine, he put it on top, and I put my other leg on top of his. At this point I was on my side. He continued to shiver, so I put my arm on his shoulder and laid my head against it. After a while we got to talking about his hand being cold, he brushed it across my face for me to feel how cold it was, so I told him I could hold it if he wanted. So we did. We reckoned that it wouldn't matter since we were already doing so much other "inappropriate" things. We laid this way for about 30 minutes, although I could have done it all night. But he had homework to do so we decided to leave. But while walking I suggested we continue to keep each other warm, so we interlocked arms until we got to where we were around people, then we stopped.

This was the most I have EVER been in contact with someone, other than maybe wrestling with Mikey, but that wasn't as intimate. I really hope this becomes a regular thing, but I also don't want to pressure him into thinking that it's all I want to do. I'm happy with our usual walks and sits at the pier, but this makes it even more interesting. I became aroused several times tonight, but I made sure not to let him know.

Anyways, I wanted to share  this with you now because it has made my entire weekend to much better despite big roommate issues. I won't get into those now, but all you have to do is check out my Twitter and you will see all that I have went through.

I will let you know as soon as anything else happens with Jason. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect night.