Monday, October 10, 2011
So you guys requested an update. I was trying to hold off until something more interesting happened and I could sum everything up but it's taking longer than I expected. And in a way, I'm happy bout that.
This past week with Jason has been a huge mood booster for me. While I guess we haven't done anything "relationshipworthy", we have spent lots of time together. We now have our favorite spot to walk to at night. This pier with no lights and only a few boats. We go there and sit (or lay) and watch the water. Lately when we do lay down, we are very near each other. But he always faces away from me. But at times I like this because I can move closer towards him. Last night we laid on two benches connected to each other with our heads only inches from touching.
Not only physical closeness, but we have shared in emotional closeness as well. He is now completely open with me about pretty much everything, and me the same with him. He knows about my attraction to younger guys. We discuss very sexual things like blowjobs and porn. We look up gay clubs in our city and even walked to one the other day but didn't go in. We share our celebrity crushes and exchange a look with each other when we pass a hot shirtless guy jogging by us. Last night we talked about growing up and things that made us realize we were gay. This was so exciting for me because this is something I've never been able to discuss with someone before. I know with girls I can talk about attractive guys, but they didn't grow up with being "different", so there are some things they will not be able to relate to. But with Jason I can.
I've learned that he likes muscular guys so I think I'm going to begin working out, mainly to impress him but also for myself.
As good as things are going, I'm still anxious about things, as usual. I want him to feel the same way about me. I don't want our friendship to slowly fade away, I want it to get stronger. I just hope he doesn't feel like now that he's in college he should explore the different options. I feel like we were made for each other, in a sense. Sure there are other gay guys all over the place, but we share so many of the same ideas and lifestyles. I don't think there are many guys so similar. It seems almost like we skipped all the bad guys that most people go through before finding the right one. I just hope he feels the same way.
Those of you asking if I will still like him after he starts looking more his age: Of course I will. I've learned that love is so much more than physical appearance. With Mikey, that's what made me begin to love him (yes, there were other things as well), but with Jason, I began by liking his personality then noticed that he wasn't bad looking either. We almost got kicked out of the adult section of a video store because they thought he was underage. There was nothing there interesting anyways, for gay guys that is.
I'm still trying to determine what kind of move I will make with him and when I'll do it. He's told me before that he hasn't been very "touchy feely" in the past but wants to get over that. I'm in the same situation. I want really badly to hold his hand while walking. I feel like that is the best first move for us. It's simple and not too obvious. Then maybe a quick hug goodbye each night or something. But how do I ask if he wants to do this? I don't want to just go for it and he not be ready for it.
Relationships are so complicated, but maybe that's the fun of it.
Posted by Tristan Skyler at 3:13 PM