Thursday, September 22, 2011


If you have read the character page lately, you may have noticed a name that I have not mentioned yet among the list. That name is Jason. There isn't a particular reason I haven't spoken of him until now other than I feel I will use a lot of space talking about him.

I met Jason at a Scavenger Hunt two weeks ago that my residence hall put on that only 3 of us showed up to, the other being my friend visiting from my hometown. He was really quiet, which I understand since my friend and I were so close, he may have felt like the outsider. But we definitely included him in everything. Other than Lyle, he's the most attractive guy I have seen at college so far. He looks about 16 and has green eyes that actually look very similar to mine. Which is weird because I usually don't compare others features to mine. But I think they are very attractive (I'm not bragging about my own eyes, but I do consider them my best feature). But anyways, after the scavenger hunt I told him I would add him on Facebook and tag him in the pictures.

I got back to my room afterwards and immediately looked for him on Facebook. Nothing... the only people that shared his name lived on the other side of the country. I emailed him about it (searching through the school contacts) and he responded in a couple days by sending my a friend request. Apparently he has it entirely private and only had 80 something friends and no new statuses since like April. I messaged him thanking him for adding me and said we should hang out some time. No response. I forgot about it, but couldn't get him off my mind. After a few days I emailed him again with my phone number telling him to text me, since that was the probably the best way to stay in touch. It wasn't until Sunday that he actually texted me saying he's sorry he hasn't checked Facebook in a while.

I was feeling daring, so I asked if he wanted to have dinner with me and a friend. He said yes. We met in the lobby then went in my friend's car to a Chinese restaurant. He was still quiet, but more talkative than he was at the scavenger hunt. He seemed to have fun and I was sad when it was over.

I forgot to mention that several times before this I had seen him sitting alone in the cafeteria but was too nervous to approach him. So as I was telling him goodbye, I told him that if he ever needed someone to eat with to text me and I would gladly go. I should have stopped it there, but I rambled on.

"Even if I've already ate I'll come back to the cafeteria to sit with you."

A little much for only our second day of knowing each other, I know. But I knew how it felt to sit alone and it wasn't fun. This would benefit both he and I. He seemed like the type that had very few friends here like me so I wanted to make the best of the situation.

Instead of going into detail into each event that happened between Sunday and today, I will just tell you how things are as of now.

We have been taking nightly walks around the city for the past 3 or 4 days after dinner together. We have talked about virtually everything and know a lot about each other in this short time. I even invited him to the Gay-Straight-Alliance meeting tonight, which he gladly agreed to come. It was a little awkward because it seemed like they constantly referred to all of us as LGBT, even though they usually include straight in that. But Jason didn't seem to mind. What made it worse was after the meeting this random guy ran up to us saying "Ohhh my goddd, more gay guys at the GSA meeting! What are your names??" It was so awkward. Once he walked away I apologized to Jason saying usually there aren't this many weird people here and it's usually a more laid back meeting (today we argued about stereotypes and there was a lot of tension in the room). But he said he still enjoyed it.

Do I like him? Yes... a lot. Is he gay? Well... I don't know. And I don't want to mess up the friendship we do have by asking. We talked about relationships tonight while walking and he said he dated a girl in 6th grade for two weeks but that's it. But we didn't talk much more about it.

By the way, nightly walks around my city are like the #1 most romantic thing to do in my city. It's very beautiful. I always imagine our walks a date, and would love to reach over and hold his hand. I don't want to rush things, but then again we got pretty close in less than a week, who knows what could happen in the next one.

The only thing I worry about is if we do get into a relationship, I'm not sure if I could be 100% committed to him because I will still have Mikey on my mind. I guess that might fade with time, but if Mikey were to call me this instant and tell me he was wrong all along and he truly loved me, I would drop out of college, pack my bags, and go back to him this instant. But since that is almost never going to happen, I won't expect that. I don't plan on mentioning much of anything to Mikey though since he might become jealous.

I guess this is what you call a love triangle? I'm not sure but it sure makes things more interesting, especially to you. Even though you don't know much about Jason, do you think he would be a better fit for me? Sure, he's 18. But he looks no more than 16 and still qualifies as "boyish" for me, especially when he is clean shaven. Of course, Mikey is more physically attractive, but I think Justin has a more appealing personality. And that's more important than looks, isn't it?

It may also be worth mentioning that while my feelings upon first meeting Jason were pretty strong, I wasn't awestruck like I was when I first saw Mikey. Mikey grabbed my heart instantly, but Jason has gradually grown on me. I can't say I love him yet, but I think I really like him.


PS: If the last half of this entry seems rushed, it's because I had the whole thing typed up but when I tried to add a picture it froze and the draft only saved the first half. Figures...


  1. You need to get over and past Mikey, he is not right for your life. Jason sounds like a great new friend for you, one appropriate for your age and situation. Just go slowly and carefully so you don't drive him away by being too aggressive. Even if he just turns out to be a very good friend, he is a very nice addition to your life. Good luck!

  2. I read your blog all the time, I enjoy reading it. At the same time, I think this all needs to stop. There is some sort of huge problem going on here, whether you know it or not. You go from perusing Craigslist for personals to talking about dropping out of college if Mikey wanted you, to this week about Jason and being all with him. First off, you can't love someone after only a week. Second, and I think more importantly, this all seems like a huge infatuation...just with guys in general. You haven't dated a guy or done anything sexual with one (that I know of) so all of these feelings are being triggered by pure infatuation with the idea of being with a guy, doing sexual things with a guy, etc.

    And now that you are allowing the readers here to donate to you...I think it gone way too far. I think you REALLY need to take a step back and think about what you want, what you can get, and especially, what you are doing right now.

    Would any of these people like you still if they knew you had a blog talking about them? Especially talking about how you are accepting money to try and make something happen? This is NOT meant to be mean in any way, I just wanted to put in my advice. We used to talk a long time ago, so (if you think hard) you may be able to figure out who this is. Once again, not trying to be mean, just trying to guide you towards a better path.