Friday, September 23, 2011

Response: Three-Way

I feel like I needed to dedicate an entry entirely to responding to a specific comment I received on my latest entry. In case you missed it, here is the comment:

I read your blog all the time, I enjoy reading it. At the same time, I think this all needs to stop. There is some sort of huge problem going on here, whether you know it or not. You go from perusing Craigslist for personals to talking about dropping out of college if Mikey wanted you, to this week about Jason and being all with him. First off, you can't love someone after only a week. Second, and I think more importantly, this all seems like a huge infatuation...just with guys in general. You haven't dated a guy or done anything sexual with one (that I know of) so all of these feelings are being triggered by pure infatuation with the idea of being with a guy, doing sexual things with a guy, etc.  
And now that you are allowing the readers here to donate to you...I think it gone way too far. I think you REALLY need to take a step back and think about what you want, what you can get, and especially, what you are doing right now. 
Would any of these people like you still if they knew you had a blog talking about them? Especially talking about how you are accepting money to try and make something happen? This is NOT meant to be mean in any way, I just wanted to put in my advice. We used to talk a long time ago, so (if you think hard) you may be able to figure out who this is. Once again, not trying to be mean, just trying to guide you towards a better path. 

I'm going to respond to it in accordance to the order arguments are presented in the comment.

In response to the Craigslist comment, That was once, probably during my hardest time in college, where I had very few friends and just wanted to find somehow to fit in. I agree it was very stupid on my part, but the way you address it makes it sound like it is now a common thing. Even at the time, I responded to a few postings but I never went far enough into it as to actually intend to meet up. I cried about it later because I realized how stupid it was to even consider that.

The dropping out of college thing was a bit of an exaggeration. I was just comparing how I feel about him to how I feel about Jason. But I have considered going to school someone closer to home, but not only due to Mikey, but being closer to friends in general.

About loving someone after a week, I never once said I loved Jason. I said I liked him a lot, but didn't love him. The only person I've ever admitted to "loving" is Mikey, and that's because I honestly have those feelings for him. His feelings may not be as strong as mine, but he has some for me as well, which is apparent by his actions towards me when we are together. But with Jason, I'm just thinking about the future. I don't attend on pursuing anything relationship-wise with him for a while. Only when it seems appropriate.

I have addressed the infatuation issue in an entry before, but never have I considered it an infatuation with guys in general. If this was the case, I would be flailing over every guy I saw. Sure, there are many guys I find attractive, but I'm not infatuated with them. The only guys I admit to ever being infatuated with are Blake (because he was such an opposite person to me and there was no way anything would ever happen between us), and somewhat Mikey (but he fuels the infatuation, so it's not entirely my fault). But still, what I have with Jason is not an infatuation. I just really enjoy spending time with him, is there anything wrong with that? And the idea about it being sexual is completely wrong. I have never once considered anything sexual with Jason. You sound like Mikey, accusing all gay guys to only be concerned with sex and not able to feel love for someone. If you feel it is al about sex then you haven't been reading my blog very carefully.

Now for the donations: It is not required. I'm just trying to raise funds for the trip. What is different from doing this to selling baked goods on the street raising money? I am providing a product (the writing within this blog) and trying to raise money to "improve" the product. Plus, you make it sound like I'm desperately requesting donations. That's not the case at all. I just asked a general question if anyone would like to help out please do. Do you think that I'm upset that I haven't received any donations? Not at all. If anyone else is offended by me requesting donations let me know and I will get rid of it all together.

Of course the people wouldn't still like me if they knew I was writing about them. That is why I do it anonymously and don't include every single detail. I never planned on them finding out about it, and if there were any chance that they might find it I would end the blog totally. My purpose isn't to expose them but to provide a story that others can relate to or just read for their enjoyment.

I realize that we know each other, and you have been aware of my blog since it was under a different name and you know who I am personally. To be perfectly honest, this scares me. Only because I know that you could very easily expose who I am to everyone. But if you only knew how many people have emailed me telling me how much my blog has meant to them and how it has been a comfort in their life knowing that they aren't alone, then you would never consider that option. I write to help those who are going through similar things as me, with my feelings and attractions. I know at one point we seemed to share these attractions, but having not talked to you in a year or so I'm not sure if yours have changed. But in any case, it is hard enough struggling with it on my own, but with the people I like involved it makes things much more complicated. Mikey knows I like him, and he also knows I'm attracted to younger guys. But not in detail. This blog isn't meant for him or Jason or anyone else I have mentioned. I would hope that you would keep what I say in this blog between us, not only for myself but for those who avidly read it as well.

I feel like I have addressed all issues presented in your comment. If anyone else feels the same way that this commenter does then please let me know. Especially about the donations. Like I said, maybe it was a bad idea. Also, if you feel this blog "exposes" those mentioned too much then let me know that too. I will see what I can do to change things.

I'm sorry,

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