Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Don't Take Me Away

College is now less than 2 weeks away, and as much as I'd like to, I'm not looking forward to it much at all. Mainly because it means leaving Mikey. I think this may be why he's been calling me so much lately (he called me twice this morning, both times waking me up). I know that college is supposed to be the best time of your life, but to be honest I'm having that right now with Mikey. This summer has been one of the most social times for me outside of school. All summers prior to this one I didn't leave the house much at all (which was in part due to not having my license or a car). But still, I'm not ready for summer to be over.

Due to your requests by comments and email, I will continue to write while in college. Who knows, I might find a "new Mikey". I would like to think that being a freshman in college would mean I would only be around guys my age and older, but knowing the city that the college is in, there is likely to be many tourists, and it will be hard to focus only on college aged guys. The campus isn't secluded but instead spread out through the city, so I will be exposed to guys outside of the school itself. But not being in the same school as them will make interacting with them difficult, unless they are involved with an organization I work or volunteer with.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm predicting that my attractions and things like that will change once I start college to liking older guys, but knowing myself and how I feel about younger guys now I don't see that happening. All of my friends who know I like younger boys are telling me that the age range will increase, but I don't see that happening. I think as time goes on I will begin to tell less and less people about  my attractions (right now it seems only a little weird for me to like a 15yo boy at 18yo, but in 3 years that little weird will turn into "fucking creep").

Whatever happens, I don't want to be labelled as whatever you feel applies to me at the time because things are likely to change. I think accepting my label as gay may have messed things up between Mikey and I in the beginning, but maybe it made things better. He tells me all the time how he feels different around me now that he knows I was gay and he wishes I hadn't told him, but something about it makes me feel that if I hadn't, we may never have become this close.

Too all of my readers who think I'm a fake, you will be in for an unpleasant surprise if my attractions do change to older guys. But you will probably believe that was planned anyways. But for those of you who trust my honesty, I hope that you won't discontinue reading if things do change. Not saying they will, but there is chance. I try to convince myself that I need to start liking older guys, but in a way I almost want to keep liking the younger ones. I even watched 18+ gay porn last night to try and ween me from my habit, but it didn't work in the same way thinking about younger guys always has.

I really am considering turning my high school experiences into a screenplay or story. I think I would enjoy the screenplay path more, but feel I could be more detailed in a written story. Or maybe I'll do both, write a story and then turn it into a screenplay. Hopefully one day when I'm rich and famous you will see it on the big screen.

That's all I have for now. Haven't heard from Mikey since this morning but hopefully he asks me to hang out tomorrow. I'm still trying to make the most of every single day I have with him.


1 comment:

  1. Tristan,

    Thanks for keeping the blog going! I really enjoy it. Make good notes of this summer because its a really good story.

    You're not fake. You don't like labels and that's smart. If you're a BL, you will always feel that zing when you see a yf, but that doesn't mean you can't have a loving relationship with someone older. Don't limit yourself. But because the pull of your first love never goes away, any future partner should be understanding. I've loved boys my whole life, but I can't marry one (not on this planet) ;)