Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Loneliness


Today marks exactly 1 week into college classes, which actually have been going pretty well. Except statistics, but that's just because I'm not a huge math fan. But I'm sure you guys are far from concerned about my actual "school" part of college.

Instead, you would rather hear about the social part. Unfortunately, it isn't a very positive one so far.

First off, my roommates are even more annoying than I could have possibly imagined. They talk to each other in the loudest voices possible, even when they come in the room and I have the lights off and am under the covers. They show no concern for me or my stuff. Brad keeps using my iPod dock and blaring his music really loud. I've warned him twice about blowing the speakers yet he continues to do it. Not only that, but Tyler (who pissed on the floor in a previously entry) NEVER flushes the toilet and always leaves a mess on the seat. I mean really, how hard is it to wipe it and push the handle? But honestly, I think the worst part is that they are actually starting to become buddies, and I'm being left out. Not that I want to be their friend, but I feel like I'm now the outsider of the group. Which isn't such a great thing when living with them.

But other than them being extremely obnoxious, Brad asked if I was gay today.

"No", I responded, staring at my laptop monitor without flinching.

"I didn't think you were but your taste of music is very...flamingly gay"

I don't mind that he asked, but the fact that he did it only to insult my musical taste really bothered me. What does music have to do with sexuality? I know several straight guys that like Kesha, Katy Perry, and even Lady Gaga. Just because I like pop music doesn't make me gay. I liked it even before I realized I was gay.

On a sidenote, Mikey called yesterday and told me he had some bad news. He dragged it out for a really long time, but he eventually told me that "a little birdie" had told Nemo and Justin I was gay. I assume it was Dylan, but I know Mikey well enough that as soon as Dylan let it out Mikey backed him up. The way Mikey told me it's like he was expecting me to freakout, but I blatantly told him "If you were expecting me to freak out or something, I'm not. I don't really care. If they want to judge me because of that then it's their problem, not mine". I think this was the best thing to tell him because it gives him no further reason to discuss it with them. The only thing that really scares me is that Justin and Nemo tell their parents everything, and this is likely to get back to them. Not only that, but their parents are really good friends with Mikey's parents. I would literally die inside if Mikey's mom banned me from talking to him just because of that.

Their reactions:
Nemo: "Really?"
Justin: "Fuck Tristan"
Lester (another group member): "I can't believe I got naked in front of him"
Corey (Not sure how he was involved): "He texts me all the time..."

Like I said earlier, it doesn't really hurt me that they found out, I just don't want things to be awkward next time I see them, which undoubtably will be. Corey told them that he already knew, but I doubt it. I hate that he found out because we don't even know each other in person yet. I still planning on texting him tomorrow or the next day about me coming home this weekend to see if he still wants to meet up.

Another side note: There is only one attractive guy (so far) in any of my classes. He's in my Philosophy class and I honestly can stare at him all class and not get bored. I even think my professor noticed me staring today. But the professor seems gay anyways so I'm sure he didn't think it was weird, haha. The guy is usually quiet but I think next class I will attempt to talk to him. Phillip is his name.

I just remembered that I haven't even gotten to the title of this entry. Sorry, there was so much to talk about.

If I can think of one word to explain college so far, it would be "lonely". And it's not even that I'm not hanging out with people, I am. But it all seems superficial. And in all honestly I don't think it would be this bad if I had never met Mikey. With him I realized a new kind of friendship that I haven't ever found in anyone else. It made everything else seem...shall I say "casual"? I don't know. I just feel empty without him, even if it's only a little piece of me. And I don't know if I will ever fully recover from that.

I remember I used to wish that I could have something like I did with him (or more) even for a little while and I would be happy for the rest of my life. That is so far from the truth. Not only am I more depressed because of it, but it has changed how I see all my other friends. I don't blame Mikey at all (how could I? I love him) nor do I regret it, but I almost wish it didn't happen so quickly and that we had more time for our friendship to develop.

So I can't really decide if I consider this loneliness a good or bad thing. It's good in the sense that I like being alone when my roommates aren't here, but it's equally or even more-so bad because it has caused my mood to drop way below usual levels.

Thoughts? Questions? Anything?

Email me: Tristan@TristanTalks.com

-Tristan

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Not So Bad


So as I said earlier, I was going to update you on how things went with Lyle today. But before that I wanted to talk a bit about how I have been handling college emotionally since I got here.

Up until like yesterday, I was feeling really down about everything. With college actually starting on Tuesday, the first 2 days were miserable and I became extremely homesick. Mainly because I like coming home after a long day of classes. But staying on campus I feel like I'm in a school environment 24/7. I've done some work to make my dorm room "my own" with decorations and such, but sharing this small space with two other guys who are messy and careless really ruins the "homey" feel. I would build a wall around my section of the room if I could. I just like having MY space. The good thing is they are out partying almost every day and every night. So I use that as my "alone time". But it's still temporary. I like coming home, throwing all my books down, closing my door, locking it, and laying in the middle of the carpeted floor staring at the fan and thinking back on the day. Lame, I know. And if I were to do that here (minus the carpet and fan) my roommates would probably assume I was high and use that as an excuse for them to smoke weed in the room. No thanks.

But yesterday, something happened. I came back to my dorm and sat down at the computer, and remembered I had my iPod with me. I set it up in my dock and began playing music. A sudden rush came over me, a type of familiar warmth that I hadn't felt since I got here. I honestly think music is what made me feel more "at home" here. It has played such an important part in my life over the past 2 years. I guess I had just forgotten how much I enjoyed listening to it. Music is my life.

It wasn't until about 15 minutes before I met up with Lyle that I began to get the butterflies. We had decided to meet at the drug store at 4:15, and at 4 I panicked and texted 3 of my friends asking them for advice on how to introduce myself to a "cute guy I met over the internet that goes to my school". I guess the fact that we had never seen each other in person was what bothered me the most. Would he think I'm cool, or annoying? Will he think I'm too ugly to hang with? Will things be awkward and we just stand there and look at each other?

Whatever the case, I started walking down there at 4:10 and when I was about halfway there I saw a guy walking my way. It was Lyle. My heart dropped. He had definitely seen me, probably nervously pretending to text. He came up and shook my hand (reminding me of Mikey). Oh, and if I mentioned he was cute in the last entry, I would like to correct that. He is HOTTTTT! Like, seriously the hottest college guy I've ever seen. His pictures do not do him justice. He's really tan, dark brown hair (that was wet from the shower), and the brightest green eyes I've seen. They legit glowed against his skin. He was very friendly and "formal" I guess I would say. Once we said hey to each other the nerves went away and I felt extremely comfortable around him. We decided to walk around the town together which ended up being about an hour of time together. I would have liked more and maybe dinner, but he had plans to go to this Christian group thing tonight. We talked about everything, from college to filmmaking (I learned that he is as into it as I am). We are soooo perfect for each other, except for the fact that he's 98% chance straight. Sigh. But oh well, we had a great time getting to know each other. I was proud of myself for taking the initiative to ask him to meet up and to actually go through with it and make it through the whole situation without being awkward. As we parted ways, he said we will do lunch together or something sometime soon and keep in touch about movie making. I told him if he had any ideas he wanted some help with let me be the first to know, and he said he would do the same. I smiled the whole way back to my room.

Oh, and if you're wondering why I picked the picture that I did for this entry. Firstly, I thought the boy was cute. Secondly, he has a similar appearance to Lyle. But Lyle is 18 and has the looks of a 15 or 16 year old. I love it. He's perfect in so many ways. He's a late bloomer from what I can tell. A little facial hair but really light colored and not enough to shave. I actually think Mikey has more than him. No, I'm not a fan of facial hair, but in can be cute if it's very light and looks like "peach fuzz".

I'm still debating about going home for the weekend. Mikey called today and as I was about to discuss it his mom came in the room yelling at him for something he did and made him get off the phone, and he never called back. So I guess the going home thing is out of the question, for now. But maybe that's for the best.

I'll update you as soon as something happens with Mikey, Lyle, or anyone worth mentioning. If you want, leave me questions in the comments below and I'll do my best to answer them in the next entry.

-Tristan

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Roommate from HELL


So I'm going to keep this entry fairly short, mainly because I have a decently early class tomorrow and want to get to bed on time, but this will be a quick summary of my first week at college.

Tuesday - Friday I participated in a service group on campus that got to move in early and help out in the community. The best part of this (aside from meeting some really cool people and one cute guy) was helping out at the children's museum. I had forgotten how much I loved kids. I played with them in the sand and in the pirate ship and castle rooms. Surprisingly, the girls were just as entertaining as the boys to play with. I guess at that age (4-7) there really aren't many differences in their personality. My two favorite kids were boys, both 4 years old. I hate to say this... but they were somewhat attractive? I mean, beyond the level of all kids being cute. I don't mean that like I am sexually interested in them by any means, but I see them as handsome. Anyways, one was blonde with tan skin, the other was lighter skin and brown hair. The blonde one was very social, but I found the brown haired one playing by himself so I joined him and talked to him about the city and he told me he had just moved there. I was actually surprised by the fact that I could have an intelligent conversation with a 4 year old. But anyways, I had a lot of fun with that activity and all the service work in general and it was a great experience to start out college.

Also on Tuesday, I called and met up with the guy that was going to be my roommate. He lived nearby and we decided to have dinner. He gave a good first impression, but the more we talked, the less I liked him. I'm not going to say he wasn't good looking, because he was. Blonde hair, blue eyes. The usual attractive college guy. A little too old for my taste, but not bad. But my issue with him was his whole "surfer/cool guy attitude". He seriously talked about his hair for 20 minutes and how it looked horrible that day (while it looked like he had spent about 2 hours on it). Then the next biggest topic of discussion....girls. He talked about how many he's had sex with lately and asked if I had any hot babes where I'm from. I went along with it and said a few, but none that I found worth staying for. Other than that things went pretty well. He just came across as an overconfident, cocky bastard. Thus introducing the first new character to Tristan Talks...BRAD.

BUT WAIT, he isn't the reason this entry is titled what it is...

Introducing my third roommate....TYLER.

I met him on Sunday. After a relaxing bowel movement, I stepped out of the bathroom to find Kyle and his dad unpacking. Awkward as hell, but I made the best of it. I was super friendly, and he was the same. His dad was very talkative. My nerves about him being this total party freak / druggie were gone...

Until his dad left.

He walked his dad down and told him bye while I waited in the room. About 20 minutes later he came back up But not alone... he had 3 girls with him. He didn't even inform me that they were coming over. Not that they weren't nice or anything, but it was still awkward. Then he called a guy and told him to come up while he jumped in the shower. So I was left alone in my room for bout 15 minutes with 4 random strangers all about to go get wasted/high. Great...

But that's not the worst part. He came back around 12:30am, which was earlier than I thought. He seemed fine and not too drunk as he brushed his teeth and got ready for bed. I decided everything was fine and went to sleep myself. But then at about 2:30am, I hear water running...but it wasn't coming from the bathroom. I open my eyes, and I see him standing in front of his desk, pissing all over it, the floor, his wardrobe, everything. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to yell something to stop him, but it was already too late. He finished and climbed back in bed. I couldn't sleep for the next hour just thinking about what had happened. Like, seriously?? He couldn't have just walked 2 feet to the toilet? Anyways, in the morning I went and told the RA at the front desk what had happened and he told me he would pass it along to the main guy at the residence hall. I went back to the room and talked to the guy for like 10 minutes before he realized the mess on his desk. He asked what it was, I responded "Do you really want to know?". So I told him. And of course, he didn't believe me. He said he must have spilled his water bottle or something, but the more I insisted, the more he believed that he MIGHT have done it.

Anyways, talks are in the works with the RA's about doing something with him ASAP. It's funny, though all this I have gotten to know all of them so well. Maybe it was a good thing, in a gross sort of way.



A situation may arise that I have classes cancelled the later part of this week and get a chance to go home. I told Mikey about this and he seemed really excited and hoped that it did happen. Corey somehow found out that this might happen so he texted me to hit him up if I come back so I can, according to him, "Show me some stuff :p". I assume by "stuff" he meant editing, but I'd like to show him some other stuff as well :P.

In OTHER other news, I wished this cute guy that I don't know a happy birthday on Facebook this morning, and he responded saying he was looking forward to seeing me around campus. Funnily enough, I saw him later today walking alone at this festival type thing we had. I wanted to say hi to him, but since I hadn't seen him in person before I wasn't sure if it was him. I messaged him on Facebook when I got back saying I thought I saw him and he confirmed that I probably did because he was there alone. Anyways, long story short, we are making plans to do something together Thursday. I'm extremely excited about that. His name is Lyle. Short with brown hair, light colored eyes. Smooth skin and the looks of a 16 year old boy. The perfect college guy for me.

We will see how things go Thursday with the next update. Hopefully there will be lots to write about Lyle by then and not Brad or Tyler.

- Tristan

Friday, August 19, 2011

Take Two: The "FINAL" Chapter


Sorry it's been a while since I've updated. I actually planned on doing an entry Monday night but figured it was too late and I needed my sleep for college (which I will discuss in my next entry, I need a few days here to gather my thoughts)

But before that, let's do a second take of my "Final Chapter" entry.

Take Two, Action.
No clouds in my storms.... (ella, ella, eh eh eh)

Monday at about 3:50 (10 minutes after school let out), Mikey called me and invited me over because "it would be the last time we would see each other". Funny, I thought that's what Sunday was all about. But you know me, I hopped on my horse and giddy-upped all the way there (WTF? Sorry, I'm tired). Once I got there, he told me he had to take a crap (why he couldn't do this before calling beats me). So he did, and I waited in his room on my laptop. He came back and told me all about his first day back to school. It was nice because it was obvious he had been waiting for someone to share this with. He also asked how I liked his haircut, and I responded "it's nice I guess". He then smartly responded "of course you think it's nice, you like everything about me". Sadly, that's true. After talking a bit we watched videos. I tried to make the most of our time together and tried to get some physical contact in when he tried to take my laptop. I resisted and pulled him onto me, but let go in fear of damaging it. He also asked for my help with a homework assignment where he had to write a poem about himself. He kept asking me stuff because I apparently knew more about him than he did because I was "obsessed with him". At about 7:15, he told me that his mom told him to tell me to go at 7. He left the room while I packed up my things, which was odd because he usually helps me. As I walked into the kitchen, he was sitting in a chair at the table with his back turned, coloring for his homework. He then asked (with his back still facing me), "Will you be sad?". I responded, "yeah, a little". He then said "Oh, well bye then". I responded, "Bye". We kept repeating bye to each other as I walked out the door.

It didn't really hit me until I got in my car and left that it was all over. I felt a sudden emptiness in my heart, knowing that it would be a very long time before I saw or touched him again. I got home and tried chatting with a friend on Facebook to get my mind off of it.

Then it hit me... I started crying. What started as watery eyes soon turned into streams of tears. And no, before you consider me some lovesick loser, it wasn't all about Mikey. Just about leaving everyone. It was all happening so quickly and I wasn't ready.

I felt the desperate need to call Mikey, only a half hour after I had seen him. I did, and left a voicemail saying I had a question. I really didn't have a question at all, I just needed to talk to him and tell him how much I would miss him.

After about 20 minutes, I started to feel better. I guess it was just a random outburst of emotion. Mikey called back later, and I told him about the breakdown. At first he called me a "pussy" but then said "I bet 98% of that was thinking about me". I responded "No, but maybe 95%". I asked if he would miss me and at first he was all like "no, no" but then he immediately opened up about it and said yes he would. That was all I needed to hear, that he would miss me. I don't know why, but those words made me feel so much better.

It took me a couple days to finish this entry mainly because I've been so busy moving into college and doing volunteer work in the city. It's kept me entertained and allowed for me to make great friends. But I really want to dedicate an entry to that, and I'll wait until the next one. I just wanted to finally get this one out so you can know how it really ended with Mikey.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

The "Final" Chapter


I waited a few days to post this entry because I wanted to see how these last few days unfolded. A lot has happened, but I will focus on things with characters that I have mentioned before instead of introducing you to new drama that really won't matter in the next few days.

Saturday Mikey and I met up at 11 for a day of filming. It was the first time I had seen him in a week and a half, and it was nice to see that he was his same old self. Not that I expected him to change much while at his grandparents. We went to get burgers and then picked up a friend of mine who we were filming with. Mikey was unusually quiet around her, but began to loosen up as time went on. After we took her home, we came back to my house to edit. I spread out a blanket on my floor and through all the pillows I had down with it. My bed is twin sized compared to his ginormous bed so I was hoping to make up for it. We sat together for a while and worked on it. I like being so close to him that I can feel the heat radiating from his body. It makes it so easy to "accidentally" put my arm, leg, or butt against his for a few minutes without it seeming intentional. After a while though he decided he wanted to finish the rest on his own and surprise me with the results. So I got up and did other things for a while. I noticed he would get frustrated with certain parts of the editing process and I would come over and help him. He was resilient at first but the more he struggled the more he asked for help. I didn't mind though. I like teaching him these things. At about 6 I took him home because he was going to some sports event with his friends, but 3 minutes after I left his house he called me and told me to come back because he wasn't going because of the weather. So I did. He came back to my house and ate dinner with us, then we went back to my room for some more editing and video watching online. Nothing in particular happened though. He did call me later that night about an hour after I had taken him home and we talked for 2 hours on the phone (while the power was out at my house).

Today, we made plans to go to the movies together. I really wanted to see Final Destination 5 but it was rated R. I devised a plan for us to get in since he was under age but the showtimes weren't the same. We tried to get tickets but they asked for his ID so we resorted to seeing Planet of the Apes. It wasn't a bad choice, but didn't give me any moments to hold or comfort him from being scared. I was planning to do that with the other movie. In fact, O had planned to make a move on him, even if jokingly, since I had nothing to lose. But he seemed to be really enjoying the movie and didn't talk to me very much at all except for the occasional comment about an actor or the special effects. And laughing at the loud black guy 3 rows in front of us. During the movie Dylan texted me 3 times that he was in the area and to bring Mikey to him when we finished, but I ignored them. Hey, it's Mikey's fault for not having a phone with him. But after we left they managed to get in touch and met Mikey at his house. I was glad they invited me to hang around because if not I would have been pissed to end it like that. I started to stay longer, but realized they were about to play video games so I decided to leave. I would rather end things on a good note after a good "movie date" (as Dylan called it). He actually did a lot of that, talking about how Mikey and I got all "color coordinated" for it. But whatever. Anyways, as I was leaving, Dylan asked if I was going to hook up with some chicks in college, I told him "probably, it's college, I can do whatever and whoever I want". Obviously that was a bit stretched, but the more "straight" I act around him, the more he likes me, even though he knows I'm gay. He attempted to do some weird handshake thing with me as I left but I failed at it like always. Not the usual cool guy handshake thing, something that I've seen only freshmen and younger guys do. It took me 2 years to learn the normal "cool" one, now they're trying to teach me another one, what gives??

So it came time to tell Mikey bye. The moment that was on my mind all day. The one I have dreaded for months. It was finally happening. In a strange way, it wasn't as sad as I thought it would be. I guess because I knew it didn't mean "The End". But the moment was here. I grabbed my laptop and began to leave after I told Dylan bye. Mikey came in the room:

Mikey: You're leaving?
Me: Yeah, I figured I would go home and finish this thing.
Mikey: Oh, bye.

Yep... that was it. Not only was I let down, I was a little mad at him. We had built our relationship so far this summer, and in less than 3 seconds, it was over. What a slap in the face that was.

As I was walking out the door, his mom came in the room and asked if I was leaving. I was EXTREMELY polite, in hopes to make up for our "incident" a week ago.

"Mikey, go get Tristan $12 out of my purse in the car."

I tried to plead with her telling her it was fine and I didn't mind that I paid for his ticket, but she insisted. So I walked with him outside and went to my car so he would have to bring the money to me.

Me: Thank you.
Mikey: So I guess this is it.
Me: Yeah, I guess so.
Mikey: Okay, bye. (starts to walk away)
Me: What, not even a goodbye hug?
Mikey: Sorry, I don't do hugs. Not because you're gay but I don't hug anyone. My mom, grandparents, anyone.
Me: Fine, I see how it is.
Mikey: I'll shake your hand though.
Me: That's "gayer" than a hug. (shakes his hand)
Mikey: Whatever.
Me: Bye, until whenever.
Mikey: Bye.

As I get in the car, he stops and turns towards me.

"I'll call you tonight", he said with a smile on his face. I nodded and waved. Then I pulled away.

But then I noticed that his wallet was in my car (Sorry this keeps going on and on, but it did in reality too). I paused for a minute. Should I take it to him now? Or should I use it as an excuse to see him after school tomorrow? Nah, I'll take it now. I pulled back forward and went to his door. I rung the doorbell but when no one came I just walked in. I saw his mom and told her that Mikey left it in my car. She kind of bitched out Mikey about being careless but thanked me for bringing it to her. I told her bye, and thank you very much for the money. I made sure to be particularly smiley, and she did the same. It felt good to realize I was back on her good side.

Okay, I admit that was better than the goodbye first started out. Sure, I would have really liked a hug, but the fact that he admitted to not hugging anyone made it seem okay, although I could have sworn I saw him hug Dylan once. I think our ending was a little influenced by Dylan and another friend being there anyways. It would be interesting to see what he was like if they weren't. But whatever.

He called me twice tonight, once to tell me that he was having Chinese food for dinner and again to tell me about his new bookbag he got for school. I told him to call me tomorrow to tell me about his first day of school, but he hesitated and he said he might if he feels like it. Saturday he said that he doesn't plan on keeping in touch with me while I'm away at college, but for some reason I really hope that was said jokingly along with his comment tonight. I will laugh if he calls me the minute school lets out. In a way, I'm kind of hoping he will invite me over to properly tell him goodbye, but that probably won't happen and I'm somewhat satisfied with how today went as a "closure".

You will notice "Final", "The end", and "closure" are all in quotations throughout this post. Meaning this is most likely not the end with Mikey. Hopefully things can continue. But for storytelling purposes this is the end. I do not plan on doing another entry dedicated to Mikey for a while, unless something extremely interesting happens tomorrow. I will mention him every so often just to give you an update, but I have a feeling in the next week or two I will have a whole new array of characters.

So this is goodbye. An ending to a Summer friendship with the first boy I've ever loved. While the love may not have been mutual in the way I wanted it to be, it was still one of the most exciting and physical friendships I've ever had.

Thank you Mikey, for showing me what it is to love.

-Tristan Skyler

Thursday, August 11, 2011

3..2..1, You're Outta Here!


It honestly doesn't feel like 3 days since I last updated. I guess that's mainly because not too much has happened since last entry. I haven't talked to Mikey in two days and even though he was supposed to be home this morning. I'm getting anxious, and not because I haven't heard from him, but because after today we have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to see each other and that's about it. He starts school Monday and then Tuesday I'm gone. I haven't had an emotional breakdown yet but I expect it to hit me pretty soon.

Another big issue is hanging out with friends before I leave. I've hit most of the major ones this past week but there is still one I need to see before I go. She's been my best friend all year and I owe it to her to hang out before I leave. But with her busy work schedule it's made it hard to do. I feel horrible for admitting this, but it almost feels like us hanging out will get in the way with my time with Mikey. Even though I've known Mikey for 3 months (closely that is) and her for almost two years, I still feel that spending time with him is more important. Am I a bad friend? Because honestly, I can survive if I miss a chance to see her before I go, but if I miss out on seeing Mikey, I don't know if I can make it very long. I need to tell him bye, even if it's only for 5 minutes. I want to hug him, something I've never done before. And I want it to last, for both of us, until I come back on break. I know that I will miss him, no matter what, but I think having that physical closure would give us something to hold onto until I return.

As for Corey, our plans to meet up didn't work out. Dylan decided we would film at Justin's house instead. We were both upset about it and said we would try to find another time to meet, but we realized that wasn't very likely with me leaving so soon. Oh well, I think we will still text and stuff while I'm gone. It might can be something I work on when I get back.

So my question to you guys is, how will I handle myself if worse-comes-to-worse and I don't see Mikey before I leave?

Monday, August 8, 2011

Corey


I would like to introduce a new character to you, one that I have been putting off for about a week because I was stuck deciding if he were important enough to mention. But it has come to my attention that he is.

Corey is the same age as Mikey, Dylan, and all the others. I actually only found out about him because of them. I added him on Facebook several months ago because I thought he was cute, but I never expected us to talk.

Within the past few weeks, he and I have been messaging and IMing. It started out about him joining our video group, but then it went into him making his own videos. I told him I would help him in any way possible. I've already started teaching him how to edit to the best of my ability without actually being there. Just recently we started texting.

Well now, the group decided we were going to film a scene at Corey's house tomorrow. As soon as Corey found out about this he texted me, We both seem really excited to meet each other and I told him I'll show him some editing tips while I'm there. I don't know how long it will be though, but maybe this will open up the opportunity for me to see him at least one other time before I go off to college.

Even though I don't know him in person, he gives off more of a "gay" vibe than any of the others (with the exception of Mikey). According to Facebook his favorite books are the Twilight series and he seems to be a big fan of pop music. No, that doesn't mean he's gay, but at least it means he isn't ashamed of his interests.

Anyways, we will see how that goes. Haven't heard from Mikey since last night. He called about retaking his driver's test and we talked like we had been doing. He's at his grandparents house until Thursday but I hope to make the most of our last 3 days together. I plan to take him to the movies one of those days, and even pay for his ticket. Oh yeah, this time I actually WANT to spend money on him.

SITE UPDATE: I added a "Characters" list to the pages up top just for those of you who haven't been following my blog very long. It's also useful for those who would like a better insight on each of the characters I mention in my story. There is also an "Affiliates" page that I plan to use to publicize my blog more. If you own a blog and would like to exchange links please send me an email at Tristan@TristanTalks.com . I'd love for us to help each other out.

For those of you who don't have a blog, I'd still appreciate your help in bringing some new readers along. The more the merrier, right? Also, as I've mentioned before, if you can think of anything to add to the site that would make it better, please let me know. I aim to please YOU, in the least sexual way possible. Unless you are my type. Then that's a different story...

-Tristan

Sunday, August 7, 2011

TristanTalks.com & Mikey Update

I don't normally post entries in the morning but this is something I've been working on since last night. If you haven't yet, please read the previous entry first. I went ahead and put in the money to update the blog address to www.TristanTalks.com. The old address will still work, but if you are going to bookmark the blog, please do so with the new address, just in case Google decides to delete this blog, I still own the domain name and I can work on relocating. This has also allowed me to create a custom email address, so from now on you can contact me at Tristan@TristanTalks.com . Pretty cool, huh?

At 10:20am this morning, Mikey called. It was a little awkward at first, and he said "long time no see". I said "yeah... what's up with that?" Then he claimed that he lost his phone. We went on about it and I mentioned what Dylan told me about his parents knowing but he said he hasn't told them, and if he did it was the first day I told him (back in May). Then the conversation went on as normal. I let him know I was upset, but didn't hold a grudge the entire conversation because he seemed oblivious to the fact he was ignoring me. I guess he just doesn't see it the way I do. When he said he had to go I asked "So does this mean for another 4 days?" and he said "I don't know, stop being such a girl and assuming things because you don't hear from me". I don't know if there was a lot of sarcasm in this conversation or not. Early in he said "I still hate you" and when I questioned why he kept saying "I just do". But again, it seemed almost sarcastic since afterwards we kept talking. He is so confusing. Oh, and he told Dylan about a dream I had about him a week or so ago. I wasn't going to tell Mikey but he kept drilling me what it was about, and he eventually guessed "You sucking me off" and I laughed and turned away. I gotta be more careful about the stuff I tell him because he can't keep his mouth shut worth anything.

Anyways, I don't think I will hear from him any more today Add Imagebut I may do another update if anything happens. Again, if you didn't read my previous entry, please do that now. It is of some importance.

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UPDATE: I also upgraded the mobile version of the site, check out TristanTalks.com on the go!

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-Tristan
(Owner of TristanTalks.com) ;)

Saturday, August 6, 2011

TXT ME BBY



This will be a really short update, but I want to update you day-by-day about this situation.

I posted in our Facebook group about when we are going to finish filming our video, and talked with another group member about how Mikey has been ignoring my calls. He told me that Dylan was going to text me. The conversation went as follows...

Dylan: I don't have girls for my scenes.
Me: Ok, but what's up with Mikey? I've been trying to get in touch with him for the past 3 days, It's like he's avoiding me or something.
Dylan: Oh, well idk then he hasn't mentioned anything to me but I think his parents know your gay.
Me: Well that would explain why his mom seemed weird around me last time I was there but that doesn't explain why I haven't heard from him.
Dylan: Yeah and maybe she's talked to him
Me: I'd still rather he talk to me about it than just cut me off like he has. But it's whatever, I'll just wait and see.
Dylan: Yeah idk, he nvr uses his cell you know that and iPod idk I haven't seen him on it.
Me: But up until Tuesday he was calling me like 3 times a day, maybe more, then he just stopped. That's what concerns me.
Dylan: No clue dude I think it's nothing honestly though.
Me: It might be nothing. It's just now isn't a good time for this since I only have a week left and I don't want to end on a bad note.
Dylan: Yeah I understand. Dude I can get my stuff done Monday at my house then mikey can do his thing.
Me: Ok, if it works out, sounds good. Sorry for my rant.
Dylan: Haha your chill dude.

My heart was pounding during this entire conversation and I felt like crying. The only way his parents would know is if he told them, and that would explain why last Sunday his mom was so weird around me. I didn't mention it, but when we went to get fast food, she called my phone and made Mikey prove that he was in the restaurant and not somewhere else because it didn't "sound like it". I don't know, maybe Dylan is right about it being nothing but it's awfully strange how he mentioned that Mikey's parents might know I'm gay. I never mentioned the situation with his mom last week. I think he knows something I don't, especially since he's been hanging with Mikey the past few days.

The show goes on...

-Tristan

Friday, August 5, 2011

Dreams Are All That Remains



I had a dream the other night that I felt would be interesting to share. But before I get to that I wanted to discuss something else. The last time I heard from Mikey was the morning of August 3rd, when he was telling me about failing his permit test but going ti try again the next day. I tried calling him yesterday afternoon to see how he did but his phone was off. I let it go and figured he was just busy. Today I tried calling around 11 and the same thing happened, it went straight to voicemail. I posted on his Facebook wall "Where have you been? Your phone has been off for 2 days...". Again, I wasn't too worried, but it was very unusual since for the past week he has been calling me at least 3 times a day.

But what really got to me happened about an hour ago. Dylan commented on Mikey's post by me saying "He's good I'm here with him". Wow. Mikey had spent the past 3 days that we talked complaining about Dylan and now they are together at Mikey's house and no one has made an attempt to contact me? It doesn't bother me that he is there, it's just the fact that Mikey has seemed to forget that I existed when I only have one week left. I don't think I mentioned this, but on August 2nd I went to his house while another friend was there but the entire time it felt like he was distant, and when his friend left I left soon after, and unlike usual, he didn't object. It didn't really bother me but when I put this all together it really does. I do not plan on letting this slide, and I will definitely mention to him next time he calls that it upset me that he has pretty much ignored me for 3 days. Even if it isn't intentional, it bothers me. Did his talking to Dylan turn him against me? Or is his mom telling him he can't hang out with me. I don't know but I intend to find out.

 But now to the dream. This actually happened Wednesday night but I still remember it clearly. In the dream, Mikey and I were at this tall condo building at the beach. We were walking outside barefoot, and it was sunset with a purple sky. The strange thing was, the ocean was full of ice. Not out in the distance but closer to the shore were small piles of snow and ice formed on the beach and in the water. However, the weather was just barely cool, with a slight breeze. There was a sign along the dunes with a picture of the sun on it that said "Summer Fun!", but it was old and rusty. In the dream, Mikey was very joyful and smiling the entire time. Our conversation was seemingly normal, talking about the books he was required to read for school the next year and what I thought of them. This conversation went on for about 5 minutes dream-time, but then we noticed a large rain cloud and rain in the distance closing in on the shore from the mainland. We started to head inside the condo, his room was on the first story. Then.... Dylan texted me and woke me up.

I wanted to share this with you because after 2 days I have done sort of an analysis of it. In no way am I saying this is 100% accurate but it makes a lot of sense to me. The sunset, rusty "summer" sign, and icy water all symbolize the end of summer and my time with Mikey. However, his spirit goes on and is joyful, even until the end. The rain cloud represents dark times coming, which could either be me adjusting to being without him (which I initially thought), or what is happening right now with him ignoring me.

It just seems sort of weird that all these details that I remember make sense. I'm a very detailed dreamer, and dreams like this aren't rare, but I don't usually dream about Mikey, well lately that is. If you have a different interpretation of my dream feel free to share, and also if you have any suggestions as to why Mikey is ignoring me, if he is at all.

Hey, this dream would be a good closing scene for my movie, which might be titled "Summer Fun", haha.

-Tristan

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Don't Take Me Away



College is now less than 2 weeks away, and as much as I'd like to, I'm not looking forward to it much at all. Mainly because it means leaving Mikey. I think this may be why he's been calling me so much lately (he called me twice this morning, both times waking me up). I know that college is supposed to be the best time of your life, but to be honest I'm having that right now with Mikey. This summer has been one of the most social times for me outside of school. All summers prior to this one I didn't leave the house much at all (which was in part due to not having my license or a car). But still, I'm not ready for summer to be over.

Due to your requests by comments and email, I will continue to write while in college. Who knows, I might find a "new Mikey". I would like to think that being a freshman in college would mean I would only be around guys my age and older, but knowing the city that the college is in, there is likely to be many tourists, and it will be hard to focus only on college aged guys. The campus isn't secluded but instead spread out through the city, so I will be exposed to guys outside of the school itself. But not being in the same school as them will make interacting with them difficult, unless they are involved with an organization I work or volunteer with.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm predicting that my attractions and things like that will change once I start college to liking older guys, but knowing myself and how I feel about younger guys now I don't see that happening. All of my friends who know I like younger boys are telling me that the age range will increase, but I don't see that happening. I think as time goes on I will begin to tell less and less people about  my attractions (right now it seems only a little weird for me to like a 15yo boy at 18yo, but in 3 years that little weird will turn into "fucking creep").

Whatever happens, I don't want to be labelled as whatever you feel applies to me at the time because things are likely to change. I think accepting my label as gay may have messed things up between Mikey and I in the beginning, but maybe it made things better. He tells me all the time how he feels different around me now that he knows I was gay and he wishes I hadn't told him, but something about it makes me feel that if I hadn't, we may never have become this close.

Too all of my readers who think I'm a fake, you will be in for an unpleasant surprise if my attractions do change to older guys. But you will probably believe that was planned anyways. But for those of you who trust my honesty, I hope that you won't discontinue reading if things do change. Not saying they will, but there is chance. I try to convince myself that I need to start liking older guys, but in a way I almost want to keep liking the younger ones. I even watched 18+ gay porn last night to try and ween me from my habit, but it didn't work in the same way thinking about younger guys always has.

I really am considering turning my high school experiences into a screenplay or story. I think I would enjoy the screenplay path more, but feel I could be more detailed in a written story. Or maybe I'll do both, write a story and then turn it into a screenplay. Hopefully one day when I'm rich and famous you will see it on the big screen.

That's all I have for now. Haven't heard from Mikey since this morning but hopefully he asks me to hang out tomorrow. I'm still trying to make the most of every single day I have with him.

Love,
Tristan