Friday, June 10, 2011

I Will Protect You

I wanted to continue the theme from my "Legality of Love" post, but center it more on Mikey than myself.

Although this blog is new, I am not new to blogging. I have had several before, both personal and professional. I have learned what I can and cannot post. My first blog was a public chronicle of my life that I began writing in 7th grade. Many of my classmates read it and would comment about it the next day in school. I learned that there were some things that I should leave out because of how others reacted. I stayed away from gossip or personal issues involving others because I didn't want to bring anyone into it. Of course, I did not blog about relationships, as I was still discovering myself at that time.

I started Tristan Talks as a blog where I could "anonymously" (in a way) blog about my deepest feelings without it interfering with my real life. None of my real-life friends know about it, and I intend to keep it that way. If I ever got the hint that my work was being leaked to those in my life I am a few clicks away from taking it all offline. Not that I am embarrassed or untruthful, but I write things here that I would NEVER admit to publicly.

Which brings me to my main point, Mikey. I value his safety more than anything. I would NEVER do anything to expose him. Everything I write is truthful about him, but I leave out certain details that could even possibly trigger any kind of attack against him personally. I would also be devastated if he ever found out about Tristan Talks or anything I've ever said here. I write to entertain you guys and chronicle my life as it comes at me, not to be a "letter" to him about what I want to happen. Again, if anything even threatened to reveal all I have said about him to him I would be forced to take the entire blog down. I care about him too much to do that much emotional damage to him knowing that I told the world about everything that has happened between us.

I also wanted to rethink something I posted the other day. I made the overly-selfish statement that I hoped Mikey was miserable at camp. The more I thought about it, the more I hated myself for it. I said it because I wanted to comfort him when he got back, but that is sooo self-centered. Instead, I do hope he has a good time. I guess what I really meant is I don't want him to make any strong friendships that could threaten what we have. There is a guy at camp that he talks about often, and he even jokingly calls him his "boyfriend" on Facebook. I just don't like knowing that they are together for a week. Who knows what could happen. BTW, this guy is my age. It's not that I really want him all to myself, I just don't want anyone or anything that will cause me to lose him and for him to be more interested in than myself.

As you can see, I only want the best for Mikey. But I also want myself to be a part of that. The only thing I wouldn't be willing to do for him is to let him go. If that makes sense.

I'm too involved now... you jump, I jump remember?


1 comment:

  1. Tristan,
    You are an excellent writer and I hope you can write a book to help more boys struggling with the same issues.

    Consider what will happen when Mikey ages past the range you're attracted to. Will he get hurt? Will you get hurt if he moves on? Speaking from experience, if you're attracted to a certain age, everyone ages, and so letting go comes with the territory. I hope that doesn't bum you out.

    Beware of trying to do things the hard way. It's a beautiful life, enjoy it as much as you can. There's so much waiting for you.