I wanted to continue the theme from my "Legality of Love" post, but center it more on Mikey than myself.
Although this blog is new, I am not new to blogging. I have had several before, both personal and professional. I have learned what I can and cannot post. My first blog was a public chronicle of my life that I began writing in 7th grade. Many of my classmates read it and would comment about it the next day in school. I learned that there were some things that I should leave out because of how others reacted. I stayed away from gossip or personal issues involving others because I didn't want to bring anyone into it. Of course, I did not blog about relationships, as I was still discovering myself at that time.
I started Tristan Talks as a blog where I could "anonymously" (in a way) blog about my deepest feelings without it interfering with my real life. None of my real-life friends know about it, and I intend to keep it that way. If I ever got the hint that my work was being leaked to those in my life I am a few clicks away from taking it all offline. Not that I am embarrassed or untruthful, but I write things here that I would NEVER admit to publicly.
Which brings me to my main point, Mikey. I value his safety more than anything. I would NEVER do anything to expose him. Everything I write is truthful about him, but I leave out certain details that could even possibly trigger any kind of attack against him personally. I would also be devastated if he ever found out about Tristan Talks or anything I've ever said here. I write to entertain you guys and chronicle my life as it comes at me, not to be a "letter" to him about what I want to happen. Again, if anything even threatened to reveal all I have said about him to him I would be forced to take the entire blog down. I care about him too much to do that much emotional damage to him knowing that I told the world about everything that has happened between us.
I also wanted to rethink something I posted the other day. I made the overly-selfish statement that I hoped Mikey was miserable at camp. The more I thought about it, the more I hated myself for it. I said it because I wanted to comfort him when he got back, but that is sooo self-centered. Instead, I do hope he has a good time. I guess what I really meant is I don't want him to make any strong friendships that could threaten what we have. There is a guy at camp that he talks about often, and he even jokingly calls him his "boyfriend" on Facebook. I just don't like knowing that they are together for a week. Who knows what could happen. BTW, this guy is my age. It's not that I really want him all to myself, I just don't want anyone or anything that will cause me to lose him and for him to be more interested in than myself.
As you can see, I only want the best for Mikey. But I also want myself to be a part of that. The only thing I wouldn't be willing to do for him is to let him go. If that makes sense.
I'm too involved now... you jump, I jump remember?