Monday, May 9, 2011

Prom Night and Beyond

Not much time for a long entry tonight, but I wanted to give you guys a little update.

First off, I'd like to thank you guys for your comments and emails. I am working on getting a system set up where I can respond and u can write me personally. I've kind of ran out of gmail accounts (my favorite service to use) because of the stupid phone verification thing. So yeah, I'll work on getting a new email ASAP.

Prom went great, but would have been way more fun with a date. After prom I decided not to go to my friend's afterparty because I had rehearsal in the morning and was really tired.

Lots of progress with Mikey. We have been texting every day since around last Thursday for hours upon hours. Sadly, I'm positive he's straight now. He was in a one week relationship with this girl, but he broke up with her because it was "awkward". I won't get into it because I don't know the details and that's his business, but I will tell you what's been going on between he and I.

A group of his freshmen friends decided to come up with this stupid group and make videos together. They chose me to be their videographer. Anyways, this is a great thing for me because 1) I'll get to hang out with Mikey more often, probably over the summer as well, and 2) I'll get to meet a new group of cute 9th graders. Win-win situation for me lol.

One interesting thing happened Saturday night. I was texting Mikey while at a friend's house. I got a little carried away in our conversation, and admitted to him that I used to have a crush on him. Unfortunately, he took it the wrong way and told me it weirded him out a little. I responded trying to explain myself but he went to bed. CRAP! It ruined my night because I couldn't get over how stupid it was of me to say that.

Anyways, the next morning I woke to a text from him about our group thing, I got to talking and then told him I'd send him a message on Facebook explaining what I said last night. So I did...

So like I said, I felt like I needed to clear up some things from yesterday. I shouldn't have told you to begin with but I was just caught up in the moment of everything.
First off, nothing about you made me think you were gay. Actually, it was more the opposite. Everything pointed to you being straight but I kept holding on to the possibility that you might be (that happens with me a lot).
It all started at the first ______ club meeting of the school year and I saw you. I didn't know your name or anything but I wanted to. After the meeting Mrs. ________ was talking about "all the handsome new guys we have this year" and she pulled out a list of you guys and pointed to your name. Anyways, I didn't really get to know you until you started ushering for shows and I tried to talk to you as much as I could. I think _________ said something about him thinking you were gay (Idk why) so that kind of increased my wanting to get to know you, if that makes sense lol.
But anyways, after we started messaging and talking in person I realized that you probably weren't gay so I moved on from that. Sure, I mean I still liked you for a while but I didn't try to make you like me. Anyways, in the last month or so I haven't thought of you like that at all since we're friends now. So please don't worry about me liking you or whatever, because I don't anymore now that I'm certain you are straight. And I really am happy that you have a girlfriend.
Just wanted to clear some things up, and sorry for weirding you out yesterday. Hopefully this makes you feel better. If not... tell me what I can do that will.

So yeah, after him telling me he had to delete it so his mom wouldn't read it,he seemed okay. The weird thing is, he got a lot more talkative to me than ever before right after that. Today we talked about music, him breaking up with his GF, and "cheese milk grenade to the moon where the elves live" (his words, not mine).

So yeah, thats a quick little update about the Mikey situation. Honestly, I'm happy with how things turned out. Now he knows I liked him so if the magical gay fairy decided to visit him he knows who is already interested haha.

Goodnight, and thanks for reading.

-Tristan

3 comments:

  1. Dear Tristan:

    I've been very frustrated by my inability to post comments with my primative form of home web access, so today I literally walked a mile -- maybe it was really two miles -- to get on a public access computer here at a branch of my local public library. Unfortunately, my time here is very limited, and I feel the situation is less than perfectly secure regarding the possibility of people seeing what's on my screen, so for now I'll just say this: Why don't you try using FastMail (www.fastmail.fm)? The registration process is very simple and easy, and it controls a number of domain names from which you can choose. I believe it will also allow you to register multiple e-mails if you have a need for them. Best wishes -- I hope I'll be able to write more to you via e-mail soon.

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  2. I have read your diary and boy I understand what you are going through. Now that you will be an adult it is more difficult to have the same feelings of liking an underage kid. You now become a "pedophile" for liking someone who is under 18 years old. Since you live in the USA you have to accept that here in today's society they do think of you as a "child molester" for even saying you like an underage kid. Many commit suicide because they can't take the preasure anymore. If you don't stop and think what you are doing your going to have even a harder time in life. At one time when you were 15 or 17 it was neat to be around boys your age or younger. Now that you are 18 people think it ti be strange that you are hanging around with a kid that is 14. People will right away ask questions. There's no easy way to deal with your feelings. Of course you never want to act on any of your feelings for there are too many people in jail for doing so. "Sex offender" label is for life and the hell you have to go through to register every year is something you don't want happen to you. I wish you well and hope you can deal with your situation. Life will get even harder if you don't right now deal with it.

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  3. Tristan,
    My heart breaks reading your posts because they reach far beyond the typical teenage love angst because you are attracted to younger boys.

    Please be careful with Mikey. At his age he may still have questions about his sexuality and may want to experiment with a trusted friend. But that wouldn't be fair to you, because you're looking for a commitment.

    Being obsessed with an image is one thing, but with a person it can be dangerous. Never forget that there is an independent real person behind that beautiful face.

    On the positive side, you are still young and there are plenty of younger-looking guys that are your age. Don't waste your youth pursuing a fantasy! Guys your age need love and support too :) You have a sweet heart and you will find them.

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