Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I'm Addicted

It takes losing something to make you realize you were addicted to it. This is day 3 with no word from Mikey. I'm beginning to miss him, really badly. I texted him for a third time this afternoon, but still no response. I know I said I wouldn't worry myself over him any more, but it makes it so much harder with it being Spring Break and having plenty of time for my mind to wander. Is he ignoring me? Did asking to hang out push the limits to the point where he backed out of it all. Or maybe he really is just busy or something. I know he sad he was planning to spend the week at an amusement park nearby but that doesn't mean 24/7. And he has to have his phone on him.

It's just upsetting me a lot now. And I know how stupid that must seem, barely knowing this boy a month and not being able to get him off your mind. But I can't help it. He's perfect, even if he's straight. I'm happy being friends, but I just REALLY want something from him.

Oh, here's a random thing that happened last week. I see Mikey walking by the window during my 3rd block class every day. I've gotten into the habit to where I stare out the window when he goes too and from lunch. He never can see me though, and I like it that way. Sometimes he's walking by himself, other times he's with a big group of friends. Anyways, I was doing my usual staring and then the teacher was like "Tristan, stop staring at them, they are too young for you". I know she meant this jokingly, but I took it to heart. That's what everyone tells me. He's 14, 15 in a month. Just because I'll be 18 in a month doesn't mean he's too young. 3 years, big deal. My grandparents were like 7 years apart. I just get sick of everyone telling me he's too young for me and my friends jokingly calling me a pedophile. I hate that word. It's not my fault that I like what I like, and I don't like having a term defined as a mental disorder placed over my head.

I like younger boys, BIG DEAL.

I'm not sure whether I'll update tomorrow, depends if any ideas come to mind or (hopefully) Mikey decides to text or Facebook me.

Hi, I'm Tristan. And I'm a Mikey-holic.
HI TRISTAN.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Tristan. 17-year-old guy here that knows exactly what you're going through. Although I'm straight (admittedly, a bit bicurious), I'm into younger girls as well as girls my age (12-18 is fair game, imo). I've struggled with being extremely curious about younger girls despite the legal implications that curiosity might have. There's two thing I want to say to you: first of all, you need to learn how to ignore the labels and ignore the harsh criticisms that you've been receiving. Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY has their kink. Ignore social normality. Accept that everyone is hiding something just as odd. Secondly, you need to taper off your obsession with this kid. Not because it's wrong (it's not), but because the more you get your hopes up, the harder you're gonna fall if things don't play out for you in the end. I know this because it's no different in a guy-girl situation, and I've experienced it first-hand over and over again. Best-case scenario is you stop obsessing and he likes you after all. Worst-case scenario, he doesn't like you (or isn't gay), but you haven't fallen as hard. There are millions of other gay teens out there, don't think for a second that you can't move on. Hope isn't lost yet though, go for it. But at least try not to seem so eager, it could have an adverse affect on the situation. E-mail me if you wanna talk. (bzimmermandev[at]gmail[dot]com)

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  2. I'm in the same situation. I'm in love with a boy that's 4 years younger. I'm 18, born 1992, he is born 1996. I would like to talk to you. I don't know how...

    By the way, I'm Swedish.
    I'll be back, I'll be waiting for an answer.

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