Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Hmm, I wonder what this entry is about? No, not the Paramore song. This entry is about the major crushes in my life.

Crush #1: Joseph - 6th Grade
I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but from 1st - 9th grade I attended a small, private Christian school. I'll talk more about religion and sexuality another day, but basically we weren't even taught what homosexuality was until about the 8th grade. However, 2 years earlier I developed my first crush. I wasn't even aware that it was a crush at the time. There was this guy in our drama program who all the girls were crazy for. However, I didn't find that out until afterwards. I just knew I liked standing around him because he was so cool, and I would get nervous when he talked to me. He had short brown hair and big brown eyes. As time went on I began to realize this meant I liked him, but I never attempted to "make a move" with him because I was at the time period where I hated myself for liking guys.

Crush #2: Blake - 11th Grade
I had seen this guy around school before, but my heart skipped a beat when he walked into my IBA (Computer) classroom at the start of 1st semester. If that wasn't enough, the teacher put us right next to each other. He was average weight, with a little muscle. He was a freshman at the time, but I didn't care. He had beautiful green eyes and short brown hair. We didn't talk for the longest time, but I eventually worked my way into saying things to him. He would ask for my help a lot and I would be more than happy to do so. Then, when I was finally getting comfortable with him... the teacher decided to change up the seating chart. He got moved to the opposite side of the room, and since we were facing our computers all class I never got to see him except for right at the end. I was heartbroken. I managed enough courage to chat with him on Facebook every now and then, and even got to the point where I would offer to do some of his work for him to help bring his grade up. But that's as far as it went. Since then, he's been hanging with the wrong crowd and involved in things he shouldn't. I'm over him... mostly.

Crush #3: Duncan - 12th Grade
This was first semester this year. I met him in one of my elective classes I really enjoyed. He was a shy, pale, 10th grader who looked about 13. Everyone called him weird, but something about him fascinated me. Maybe it was his pale skin and blonde hair, but he just seemed attractive to me. I went the first 9 weeks not really talking to him, but we made eye contact a lot. I was certain he liked me. Anyways, for the second part of the semester we became really good friends, but he began talking about girls and stuff, so I kind of lost interest in that aspect. We still talk over Facebook sometimes, and I even asked him out to the movies a few months ago, only for him to bring a girl along. Can you say awkward??

Crush #4 - Mikey - PRESENT
Get familiar with this name, because you will be hearing it a lot. Introducing Mikey. I first met him at the first drama club meeting this year. I've been involved in drama all throughout high school, and it's always fun to see the fresh faces each year. But one caught my eye. He had brown hair and the most beautiful blue yes I had ever seen... ever. He looked young, younger than my usual liking, but God was he beautiful. He couldn't be any more perfect. Anyways, he's a freshman. I didn't really have much contact with him first semester, except for the few times he passed out programs while I was the house manager or whatever. We made small talk. Found out his name and such. But it seems that I am starting this journal at the perfect moment. This past Monday, I discovered that he was working backstage for a show I'm running lights for. Monday I sat with him and his friend (who I knew pretty well) and talked with them. This was the first time I've had a conversation with Mikey and it felt great. Yesterday was the same feeling. Today had to be the best day by far though because the director assigned all the backstage people to paint shoes after rehearsal. Meaning I had a lot of time with him. We talked about a lot of things, from my hair color (I let my friend dye it this really bright color, I don't know what I was thinking) from a short film I made the year before. He seemed to know a lot about me even though we had never talked. Oh, and I got his phone number yesterday in case there was an "on-stage emergency". Yeah, right.

So that's about it for my crush experience. Tomorrow and Friday are our performances of the show so I plan to make the best of things with Mikey. Is he gay? I have no idea but his best friend thinks he is. He makes this hand gestures and movements that read as gay but I still don't know. Oh, and he talks in a pretty high voice for his age but sometimes he drops it. I can't tell if he's forcing the higher voice or what. I like it though. And him. A lot.

Love Always,

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