Sunday, May 30, 2010

Cheater Cheater


Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Been busy with other things.I'm sure you are all DYING to know what happened between me and Alejandro (not). Well, as I guessed, nothing. We texted again a few days afterwards but it wasn't about much. Although he did give me some ideas of other gay guys at my school that I didn't know about. My friend told me that she bets he was interested in me until I told him I wasn't planning on coming out any time soon. Oh well, I just don't like that he knows my secret, which may not be a secret much longer.

I'm becoming a lot more open about it now and have a feeling the next time someone asks I will say yes. I've come to realize that people today are way less judgmental than I thought, and some of the most popular seniors were gay. It all depends on who you associate with. My friends from my old school would probably shun me if I told them I was gay. But the ones I have at school probably could care less.

I don't really get what I would do to "come out". I mean, what would I change? I'm not gonna become super flamboyant because that's not me. I don't plan on changing, but I wish there was a way to let people know without directly saying it myself. I thought about putting it on Facebook, but I have too many people on there who are friends with my parents so that might not be the smartest idea. I'm not planning on making any hasty decisions, but I'm slowly building up the confidence to be more open about it.

So time to bring up someone I haven't mentioned in a long time. Lilly. I went with my friends to the library during lunch on Thursday at school and saw her sitting at a table working on something. My friends knew her too so we sat with her. We found out she was making a 39 in Chemistry and her mom told her if she doesn't pull it up to at least a C she couldn't take any more drama classes. This was really out of character for her because she is one of the smartest people in her grade. But when she told me her teacher I knew that he was the problem, not her. I had heard many people last year complaining about him, and the guy who was #3 in our class was also failing. Anyways, I offered to let her copy my worksheets so she could turn them in. Why is it that I try to win everyones heart by cheating? Anyways, I gave her the notes on Friday morning but we didn't get to talk long. However, we made up for it Friday night by talking after the drama awards. I really like her personality, and I think that she is really pretty, but still, I am attracted to guys and don't want to get too involved with her because I would feel like I was being dishonest. Or is that what I want? This whole "bi" thing is so confusing!

That's about it for now. I'll try to update more often but this summer seems like it is going to be pretty uneventful. Except for when I go on my Europe trip in July with this gay guy (not just us, it's a school trip). But according to Alejandro he has a boyfriend. Oh well, maybe he will be up for some cheating. There I go again...

Until next time my lovely!

1 comment:

  1. A late response...

    Coming out isn't about changing into someone else; its about being yourself. Coming out means never having to hold back a thought or feeling because you're afraid someone might find out. Outright telling people does get tired but that's part of the gig unless you're effeminate and outrageously flamboyant.

    I wouldn't bother much about this boy, just because someone else is gay or bi doesn't mean you instantly have a connection with them. People are capable of hate regardless of sexuality. I think its healthy for you to be coming out, but you're probably better off starting with friends.

    Cheating at school is just part of the experience. School students stress a lot about grades and homework, so giving people your work is a good way to reduce their stress and appear like the white knight coming to the rescue. Whether its the best option in the end is a different story however (You can take the boy out of the teacher but, you can't take the teacher out of the boy...).

    In terms of Lilly, do you actually think about sex with her or is it just her personality that you consider interesting? You talk about boys far more than girls in your blog entries. Maybe that's just because you're more confused by those feelings? I consider my girl friends pretty and I love their personalities (duh... That's why they're my friends). But you have to consider if you want that extra step. If you do, then it wouldn't be dishonest - just because you like Tristan and Lilly and just because they're of different genders doesn't make it dishonest. It's exactly the same as liking two boys or two girls, unless you're actually in a relationship with one of them, there is no dishonesty.

    Cheating with a boy you know has a boyfriend is probably a bad idea. However there are lots of cute boys in Europe and school trips are a great way to find them. So many sexy accents...


    Sorry for such sporadic commenting. As always, if you want to talk