Thursday, April 1, 2010

Spring Break...Without Him

I've put off doing this entry for over an hour because of pure laziness and no interest in being sad. But it must be done.

Today was the last day before Spring Break. Excited for the vacation and relaxation. Sad because I will not get to see Blake again for 10 days. I know, boo-hoo, no big deal. But lately I have become more and more obsessed.

The more I try to view him negatively, the more I am attracted to him.  I have mentioned before that I don't like the fact that he is disobedient at times. But then I take a look at him the next day and he is very respectful. It seems like the people he hangs around influence his attitude. Yesterday I was wondering why I found him so attractive. He doesn't really fit my "perfect guy" image, he is a little bit chubbier than the type I prefer and his hair is far shorter than I like. But when I looked at him this morning I realized that he is the most perfect person I have ever looked upon. Maybe I will have to update my previous definition of perfect. But it also got me wondering if there really is something else about him that attracts me to him besides his looks. He is a very friendly person, and dresses very nicely. I just wish I knew him more. I haven't talked with him since the last time we chatted on Facebook.

Today we had a guest speaker in class so I had an opportunity to look away from my computer without feeling weird. Blake switched seats and moved back beside his friend so I slowly scooted my chair back so I could still see him while the speaker talked without turning my head. God, he would think I was the ultimate creeper if he ever saw this, haha. Anyways, what made it even better is I guarantee he was looking at me too, even when I wasn't looking at him. I was watching the presentation and noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was looking in my direction. I made eye contact and he was definitely looking at me. I looked away quickly and he did the same. I hate that. I wish I had just looked at him until he looked away. I will have to try that next time.

Anyways, the problem with Spring Break is that I won't see him. I don't know why I'm like this. I am almost positive he will never be interested in me, yet I can't get him off my mind. It's getting worse. The hardest part is that he has no idea. I like to pretend when he';s looking at me he's thinking about me the same way I am thinking of him. But knowing him he's probably just looking somewhere near me and when I look at him he just glances at me because he thinks I'm looking at him. Ughhh, I don't know. I just wish I knew what he was thinking when he looked at me.

I will update if anything else happens over break. I'm gonna miss him, very, very badly.....

No comments:

Post a Comment