Sunday, April 25, 2010

"Oh Shit!"

Well today was quite the shocker. But I have some back story since my last entry to make things understandable.

So the evening after I wrote that last entry, Blake came on. In case you missed it, I devised a plan to send him a couple assignments from our computer class of mine to get him caught up. I decided to message him first. I asked what he was up to and then explained that if he ever needed any help in that class he could always ask me. He told me thanks but he doesn't need her class to pass. Then I told him "Well, I was thinking I could send you a few of the assignments that you are behind on so you can print them and turn them in". He responded "hmm, I never thought of that. You just have to tell me what to do". Anyways, I asked for which assignments he was missing and went through and edited them so they looked like his work and emailed them to him. He was very thankful but he soon had to go. I was worried about getting caught, but the satisfaction with his gratitude towards me was soothing enough.

The next day he printed them and turned them in. The teacher was very proud of him for getting caught up. I was a little upset about that but realized I was already one of her favorite students cause I turn stuff in on time. What kinda made me mad though was the fact he never spoke to me, even though we stood beside each other for like 5 minutes before the bell rang. He made up for it though that night when he thanked me again for "saving my ass".

So onto the main topic of this entry. Yesterday, my friend and I devised a way to try and break Ron of his "love-sickness" by creating a fake girl on Facebook who he would fall for and she would ultimately turn him down and make it apparent to him the way he has really been acting. I know that sounds really mean, but it's honestly what he needs. He isn't mentally stable at the moment. Anyways, I made up a fake name, found some pictures of a porn star that looked like she could pass for 15, and made the profile. I added a few of the random suggestions just to give her a start. By the way, if you want a bunch of random guys hitting on you and messaging you their numbers, I highly recommend doing this. But that wasn't my goal. AS SOON as he accepted my friend request, Ron began talking to me and saying my pictures were beautiful. I took his compliments and told him about myself. We talked for a good 30 minutes before I had enough. He was hooked and that's what I wanted. I logged out and told him I would be back tomorrow.

Today I was at our group leader's house for an informational meeting about my trip this summer. When I left, my mom told me that my dad said I had a special guest waiting for me at home. I had no idea who it was and I was really nervous. When I got home, there was a bike sitting in the driveway. I went in the house and guess who came to greet me. Ron. He had been riding his bike and got lost but realized he was close to my house so came by. He was on Facebook on my dad's computer. He had planned to go on mine but my dad told him I had a password set (I normally do that when I'm on vacation but he doesn't know that. THE PROBLEM IS, I had pictures on my desktop of the fake girl account that I used as well as she was still set as the default log in on Facebook. IF my dad would have let him use my computer (which would have made me very angry in any event) he would have seen her pics, and realized that I was her. OH SHIT! I was lucky that he was talking to my mom while I turned my computer on and hurried to delete the pics. I have never been that scared in my life knowing that he came that close to figuring it out. Even though they haven't gotten too involved yet, she was all he could talk about. He logged in and pulled up her pics and talked about all the stuff they had talked about. I acted like I was intrigued by it but could not look him in the face nor look at her pics. I knew it was a lie and I knew that he had actually been talking to me. He kept asking me if she was hot but I couldn't answer, I was still in shock. Anyways, his parents picked him up and he left before I could text my friend and tell her to cover for me and log in as the girl. HE CAME THIS CLOSE to something that would probably leave him in tears and ruin our friendship. Thank God for ill-informed parents.

Earlier this week we had the discussion about gays and Christianity and I learned that he is 100% against Homosexuality. He's one of those people who think all gays deserve to burn in hell for their choice. I am so hurt when people say stuff like that, and know that it shows why people think Christians are so ignorant. I'm a Christian, and I know in my heart that I am not straight, I'm not gonna act like it was my choice because I know it wasn't.

That's all until next time. This is quite an adventure....


Monday, April 12, 2010

Back to School

Today was my first day back after Spring Break. The only thing I was looking forward to was seeing Blake. I passed by him in the morning before class but only saw the back of his head. It was a good feeling to know he was there. Then in first block he was roaming around the room but I didn't want to turn around and look at him because it would be awkward if that was the only reason I turned around. But right before the announcements I was talking to my friend and when she left I was already turned in his direction so I thought, "Why the hell not?" so I glanced over at him. He was sexy as ever and seemed to even be tanner than I last saw him. He never made eye contact with me or came to my part of the classroom all day which kinda made me sad. I don't know why but I was hoping and expecting him to either ask me about my spring break or get some of the answers for the worksheet we were doing (we were allowed to get some from FRIENDS... I guess that's not me). Oh well, I really want him to notice me.

Any ideas on how to get him to notice me or start a conversation? I know that sounds so lame, but I'm really not the type to start a conversation. I want him to come to me. Not that I'm better than him, I'm just shy. Anyways, any ideas would be appreciated!

Friday, April 9, 2010

I Can't Escape!

We went on vacation to the mountains this week. It was a great trip and I enjoyed spending it with my family. However, there was one guy on my mind more than anyone all week, his name was, obviously, Blake.

I dreamed about him Wednesday night. I don't remember much of it but it involved me getting close to my first block teacher and he somehow fell into it. I hadn't really thought about him too much up until that point but after that my mind was on him all day Thursday. I really miss him. And I am almost certain that he has not even considered me at all this week (or ever). I look forward to school only to see him, even if he doesn't even look at me. I know, this sounds like it was written by a 12 year old girl, but it's really how I feel about him. I'd like to just not think about him, but somehow he keeps coming back into my mind.

The thing with Ron has cleared up and we talked for hours this week combined. I will be spending all day with him tomorrow at the amusement park with scouts. Too bad his brother will be in our group, I would rather it just be me and him. But maybe it will keep me from saying too much. I seem to be his go-to guy for support and relationship advice for girls, and you and I both no I have no experience nor interest in the field of study.

If anything interesting happens tomorrow, I'll let you know. Until then, this has been another obsession entry from yours truly...

Monday, April 5, 2010

Ron Going Crazy


I'm gonna try and keep this short, it's a long story that has happened over the past week.

So last Wednesday at scouts Ron and I decided to walk around the graveyard for a bit since we weren't going on the patrol camp out and everyone else was in their patrol meetings. He talked to me about how he's being treated badly at school by his teachers and classmates. He told me stories and it made me really upset that he was being treated that way. I told him he needs to do something to try and get out of that school but he says he wants to stay because he has a good chance of getting valedictorian and can get good scholarship offers.  I told him that there are things more important than that and if they are hurting his morale then he needs to get as far away as possible from them. He would do well in any school, he is a smart kid. We then got on the topic of girls and how he really wanted a girlfriend. He told me about the girl he was interested in who he had never met (he added her on Facebook, i know her in person). I told him that she really wasn't that good of a person and most of her relationships last 2 weeks at the most. He said that would be great, he just wants to know what it's like. I told him it would eventually hurt him more in the end. Anyways, we ended up talking for the rest of the meeting which was about an hour and a half. He needed to talk about this stuff and I was glad to be there for him.

But during this past week...he has changed...big time.

I first notice him join a group on Facebook and start a discussion topic about advice on getting a girlfriend. I figured that was okay, but then he started posting stuff on his wall about wanting to fall in love and get his first kiss and all that. To me it just seemed desperate but I said nothing about it and continued to encourage him. Yesterday when he was talking to me he told me that God had promised him that he would be with that girl (who by the way, takes no interest in him at all). I asked him what he meant by that and told him that I think he is wanting her and is convincing himself that God is telling him that they are meant to be together. I told him I don't think God can "promise" you that because love is a two-way commitment. He told me that he didn't believe me and that God told him that he was going to marry that girl and if I didn't believe him then we should stop talking. I told him that he was acting immature and he needed to just calm down and look at the situation from her perspective and he told me that we should stop being friends if I am doubting his faith and God's promise.

I haven't talked to him since then. He is being stupid and idk why. I believe that God makes promises with people but he doesn't say "You will marry ______ ". I am thinking he just had a dream or something about this girl and he thought it was God talking to him. Anyways, he isn't talking to me and I have to spend all day with him Saturday. I talked to the girl and she said he is acting like a stalker and is really scaring her. I told him that and he told me he think I am just trying to get in the way of God's promise and that he won't stop until he gets with her. That really scares me. He has never been like this before and I don't know what has gotten into him. While I have been typing this I found out from a friend that he is now "going out" with this other girl he met on Facebook who still has a boyfriend. He says he is going to go out with her until the other girl is ready for a relationship with him. UGH, HE IS AN IDIOT!!!

What would you do in my situation? He is one of my best friends and I have been as supportive as possible but he is really acting differently. If he had always been this way I would have never been his friend. But I have tried to help in every way but it's getting out of hand and I'm starting to think he needs professional help.

I will be gone all this week on a family vacation so I won't get to update. I probably won't get to talk to Ron either. Nor Blake (who I still haven't talked to). Ugh, so much drama! I hate it but I always find myself involved in it.

Have a great week,

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Spring Break...Without Him

I've put off doing this entry for over an hour because of pure laziness and no interest in being sad. But it must be done.

Today was the last day before Spring Break. Excited for the vacation and relaxation. Sad because I will not get to see Blake again for 10 days. I know, boo-hoo, no big deal. But lately I have become more and more obsessed.

The more I try to view him negatively, the more I am attracted to him.  I have mentioned before that I don't like the fact that he is disobedient at times. But then I take a look at him the next day and he is very respectful. It seems like the people he hangs around influence his attitude. Yesterday I was wondering why I found him so attractive. He doesn't really fit my "perfect guy" image, he is a little bit chubbier than the type I prefer and his hair is far shorter than I like. But when I looked at him this morning I realized that he is the most perfect person I have ever looked upon. Maybe I will have to update my previous definition of perfect. But it also got me wondering if there really is something else about him that attracts me to him besides his looks. He is a very friendly person, and dresses very nicely. I just wish I knew him more. I haven't talked with him since the last time we chatted on Facebook.

Today we had a guest speaker in class so I had an opportunity to look away from my computer without feeling weird. Blake switched seats and moved back beside his friend so I slowly scooted my chair back so I could still see him while the speaker talked without turning my head. God, he would think I was the ultimate creeper if he ever saw this, haha. Anyways, what made it even better is I guarantee he was looking at me too, even when I wasn't looking at him. I was watching the presentation and noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was looking in my direction. I made eye contact and he was definitely looking at me. I looked away quickly and he did the same. I hate that. I wish I had just looked at him until he looked away. I will have to try that next time.

Anyways, the problem with Spring Break is that I won't see him. I don't know why I'm like this. I am almost positive he will never be interested in me, yet I can't get him off my mind. It's getting worse. The hardest part is that he has no idea. I like to pretend when he';s looking at me he's thinking about me the same way I am thinking of him. But knowing him he's probably just looking somewhere near me and when I look at him he just glances at me because he thinks I'm looking at him. Ughhh, I don't know. I just wish I knew what he was thinking when he looked at me.

I will update if anything else happens over break. I'm gonna miss him, very, very badly.....