I decided to do an update while my parents are arguing about taking me to Open House for a college I want to go to. I hate my dad, but that's another story.
So a lot of people have been telling me on a forum that I am a part of that I may not really be in love with Blake, I am just infatuated with him. At first, I was thinking that they were wrong. But now that I look at it, that may be exactly my situation.
To me, loving someone means that you have complete trust with them, you enjoy being with them, and you want to spend your life with them. I am not one to downplay the significance of love. In fact, I don't consider high school relationships to be "love". I think to truly love someone, you have to for one be mature enough to understand what love is; and also spend time apart from them. At school, you see each other every single day and in every class sometimes. However, to understand how important someone really is to you, you have to put some distance in between yourselves. I'm not saying you need to be less involved, you just need to have some time to yourself to ponder whether what you have is "love" for that person.
Now I'm not one to go to for relationship advice. I've never been in a serious one, but this all relates back to my feelings for Blake.
When I see him, I can't help but stare into his eyes and notice how beautiful he is. I find myself looking at his chest (when I can) when he is wearing a tight shirt. I also look at his stomach and pelvic area when he leans back and stretches, giving me a slight glimpse of his underwear and his skin. But now, since I am distanced from him, it is all left to my imagination. Yes, I think about seeing him naked. And yes, I think about having sex with him. But I can't seem to find anything inside him that I could see myself falling in love with. It's true that he is very friendly, but so are a lot of people. Our interests are completely different. He doesn't like to follow direction and does things he's not supposed to on the computer when the teacher isn't looking. Normally I would not like people like that, I like goody-goody kids, mainly because I am one. But it's something about his mischievousness that draws me to him. I don't like "bad boys", but he is just enough of a good boy to make up for it.
What I struggle to find out is whether or not I truly am into him, or I just think he's hot. Not that it matters, I never see myself being with him, but I want so badly to be near him and be his friend. Whether it develops into something more is up to fate. I had a dream last night that he came up to me and asked me if I was bi. I told him my answer depended on his, and he told me that he liked me. The next thing I know we are making out. I've had many dreams like this.
Blake is sexy, I want to see his body with no clothes. I want to play with his.... okay I'm getting carried away. But honestly, this "infatuation" keeps growing and growing yet he has no idea that I'm interested in him, even in a friendly way.
These are just my current thoughts. Have you ever been infatuated with someone, or am I just a creepy stalker guy?