Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Perfect Person

Dear Diary,

Alright, so far so good. Still no audience but I didn't expect instant popularity. I'll probably spend a lot of this afternoon looking for tips on promoting my blog.

In today's entry I wanted to describe to you what I think the perfect person, my dream girlfriend/boyfriend. I will divide it up in two sections, beginning with a boy. The reason I do it in this order because like I stated in my last entry, the more surface level attraction is with guys, but the deeper attraction is with girls.

The Perfect Boy
Since I am physically attracted to guys, I think looks are everything. Well, almost. You see, when I picture my "dream guy" in my head, he is extremely cute. I am attracted to the youthful look, so I imagine him to be about 13 to 15 years old. I think the most important feature on a guy is his face. That is the first thing I notice, and what I find myself staring at most of the time (unless he's shirtless or wearing tight pants of course). Maybe the best way to describe this is with a list of my preferences...

Age: 13-15.
Body Type: Slim, but slightly muscular.
Hair Color: Blonde, although brown can look good too, depending on the guy.
Eyes: Blue (or bright green).
Height: Shorter than me.
Style: Prep. Dresses nicely but casual. Hollister, American Eagle, Aeropostale, etc. are a plus.

I picture his face to be perfect, with clear skin and a slight hint of a tan. I don't want him dark though.

My Boy Crush
I figured I might as well tell you about my current biggest crush. He is in my first block computer class, and is in the 9th grade. I first noticed him throughout first semester but only saw him a few times (once in the bathroom which was when I got my first good look at him...not in that way). Anyways, on the first day of this semester I was shocked when he came in the room. He is medium height. Shaved head but not bald, and has amazing green eyes. His eyes are what attract me the most. Want to know what made it worse? He was assigned to the seat right beside me. So there I was, sweating up a storm in the middle of January sitting beside the hottest guy (in my opinion) in the school. That was when I learned his name... Blake. Our first project was to create a PowerPoint that described ourselves. I kept seeing out of the corner of my eye him looking over at my computer to see what I was putting. Accordingly, I did the same. I saw a bunch of pictures of football teams, wrestling (I later learned he was on the school team). It seemed like we had nothing in common, yet I was still wildly "in love" with him. We had a few casual conversations on the first few days and the awkwardness of talking to him lessened as time went on. He was great about eye contact, and I "got lost in his eyes" on several occasions.

But then it happened...one week into the semester, as soon as I was building up confidence and able to start a conversation with him...the teacher changed around the seating. I remained in my seat, but he was moved on the opposite side of the room, out of my sight unless I turned around. I was devastated the first week, and felt really depressed. Not only because he moved, but because he was the only thing keeping me entertained this semester. Last semester was great, this one has no excitement. Anyways, we are separated. The worst part is that we have to remain in our seats until the bell rings. Not that I'm sure he will talk to me, because the guy he sits beside right now totally makes me jealous. They are always joking around and talking, when they didn't know each othe before he was moved. Anyways, this is my crush. The guy I think about every day, the guy I dream about at night, and the guy that I hopelessly wish is interested in me as well. This...is Blake.

The Perfect Girl
The only thing keeping me from calling myself gay on here is my emotional connection with girls. I enjoy being around them, I can relate to them. Physical appearance means nothing to me. It's all about personality. I want a girl that is smart, creative, confident, and caring. Yes, I tend to go for the "nerdy" type. I don't like most pretty girls, because, at least where I'm from, are either whores or think they are better than everyone. I want to get married some day, and I want to have children. This is another reason why I like to say I am attracted to girls. I've never been "turned-on" by a girl, even when I try. Looking at naked pictures of even the hottest girls doesn't affect me. This is the aspect of my sexuality that is beyond my control. I simply cannot be aroused by seeing a girl. Like I said...Boys - Physical, Girls - Emotional.

My Girl Crush
My girl crush isn't really much of a crush at all. Nothing compared to what I have with Blake. Yet, I feel we have a lot of the same interests, and she fits all of my qualifications. I didn't realize that I was interested in her until the latter part of last semester. I was in a drama class with her last year, and another one this year. But before about 3 weeks before the end of school, she was nothing more than a classmate. I began talking with her, and eventually I got to the point where I felt nervous being around her. Then, I lost her. Well, I mean I am no longer in class with her and only occasionally pass her in the hall. But this doesn't mean it's over. I'm running the lights for an upcoming show she is in, so I will see her at rehearsal. Hopefully she's interested in me as well. By the way, she's a 10th grader and this may be her last year at my school, she's planning on going to some arts school next year. Oh well...


So hopefully this gives you an insight into what I like and what I don't like. Hopefully this is all the introduction I need to do, and my entries will be more focussed on what goes on during the day as my life and sexuality evolve. If you know of anyone who would enjoy reading this, please recommend them. I think this will be more fun the more people that get involved.


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