Monday, February 8, 2010

Introduction (Imported from Bi-Blog)

Dear Diary,

Hello. Welcome to Tristan Talks, or as I like to call it, "Diary of an In-The-Closet Bisexual Teenager". I created this blog as a way to express my inner thoughts and feelings without having to hold back anything. I am 16 years old and a junior in high school. I am semi-popular online, although I will not reveal what platform I am well-known on. I will just say that it is my main hobby. But this blog is not about that. Here is a little background about me and my sexuality.

Since I was about 12 years old, I realized that I was attracted to boys. It began with a small crush I had on a guy 1 year older than me. At the time I went to a private, religious school that I had attended all my life. There, teachers openly criticized gays and allowed students to joke around about them and make fun of them. Since that was all I had ever known, I had no problem with it. And at the time, I didn't know it was even a crush I had on this guy. But I caught myself looking at him a lot in the classes I saw him in. I also had a girlfriend -- well, I called her that at least. We never did anything that best friends wouldn't do besides the occasional gifts on Valentine's and each others birthdays. We "dated" until over the summer of my 9th grade year, when I decided to switch to the public school system.

At the beginning of my sophomore year, I began to develop my own identity and a clearer idea of my attractions.  There were so many attractive guys there, and I couldn't help but find myself thinking about them long after class. I also found myself to be attracted to girls, but not in a physical way. Being a Christian, I debated whether or not being gay (what I thought I was at the time) was a sin or not. I still struggle with that today, but now that I have been exposed to a real world environment at my new school, I have come to the conclusion that God loves everyone, even the gays. But again, this blog isn't about religion. With or without being Christian I would still be faced with the same struggles.

So let's fast-forward to 2010. Now it is a lot harder for me to hide my feelings than it was between 6th and 10th grade. I do not like to categorize myself, because I believe that each person is unique, both in their personality and their sexuality. But the label I fit most into is...well, bisexual. The simplest way to put it is that I am attracted to other guys physically, but girls emotionally. I enjoy being around girls more than guys, and I think my personality is more feminine than masculine. I do not like sports, nor cars, nor hunting. I would rather be shopping, going to the movies, or travelling. This isn't to say I'm flamboyant about it though. Up until a month ago none of my real life friends knew about my differences. But over Christmas break I told my best friend, who is a girl, about it. She didn't necessarily agree with my "choice" as she put it, but she didn't think of me any differently. To me, that's all that matters. She is the only one I can tell about my crushes. Yes, it's still awkward, and we only discuss it online. But I trust her completely.

So hopefully this is enough about me to get you started. I will try to be as frequent as possible with these posts, and hopefully this will help some of you guys (or girls) out there going through similar things. Feel free to leave me a comment on my blog posts. You can leave one anonymously and I will do my best to answer or address your comment in my next post.

Tristan Talks

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